If you feel like a failure at everything in your life, you are not alone. I feel like that too and it’s a horrible feeling which doesn’t disappear overnight.

“I have failed at everything in life”. Like a broken record these words keep playing in your head and haunting you. Those around you can see it and will remind you at every opportunity. It’s a weight you carry every day and each day it becomes more and more difficult to bear.

It’s as if even bystanders or the people sitting by the corner can see you have failed at everything in your life.

Unfortunately, failure and mistakes cannot be undone.

Ever noticed how we are always fixated on our failures, how they become engraved in our minds like writing cast in stone?

However, whether that failure is actually real, or a figment of your imagination is important to know. Our brains are powerful tools that can convince us that things are real even if they are not.

I once heard of a story about a lady who was put in a fridge overnight and was found dead the next morning. The postmortem came back saying she had frozen to death.

Upon investigation of the crime scene, it was discovered that the fridge was never switched on and as such there was no way she could have frozen to death as the temperature inside the fridge was not cold.

What could have happened?

When the lady was put inside, she knew a fridge is meant to freeze things and that’s what her brain took. Our brains listen to everything we tell them, and it becomes a reality. Hence, it’s important to know if situations or failures are real or imagined.

This is not to say if you have failed you can pretend you did not fail. No way, you must acknowledge failure so that you can do something about it.

Feeling like you have failed at everything in your life is normal. You may look at yourself and think that everyone else is excelling and living their best life!

Well, let me tell you a secret: No one on earth knows what they are doing. Each of us is battling failure. Do not let social media fool you. Someone once said remember that when the camera lights go on, we are all told to smile or say “cheese” and we do that.

That moment is captured as happiness but most of those smiles don’t last longer than a minute. As soon as we are done smiling for the camera reality sets in, so don’t be deceived by what you see.

Remember failure means your first attempt at learning.

But did you know that there are various types of failure? Most of us are depressed and thrown back by failure. However, if we knew what type of failure, we were experiencing it might give us the kick we need on our behinds to actually get up and try again or get up and keep going.

After reading this article you will understand the different forms of this monstrous nightmare known as a failure.

Yes, you feel you have failed at everything but what is the way forward? Once all walls around you have crashed and you see no way forward you need a change in perspective.

Everything in life is about perspective.

Let’s get straight into it

Three types of failure

Fault Failure

This is the most common kind of failure. This failure is where we fail because we have done something wrong. We have either made the wrong decision or stepped on toes we shouldn’t have.

I have experienced one of these where I failed an assignment because instead of doing research and doing a good job on the assignment, I decided to binge-watch a newly released series.

Did I know I should focus on writing my assignment instead of watching a series? Yes. Did I do the assignment research and completed the assignment?

No. Postponement became the thief of time, and I did a harsh last-minute job on my assignment and got a bad grade.

That failure was brought about by my own decisions. I could write a whole book about the mistakes I made such as driving drunk and crashing my first car, hanging around bad people and learning their bad habits, spending money recklessly, and not budgeting such that I have more months at the end of my money, dating a married man, getting addicted to drugs, fighting with siblings and family every day, gambling, being arrested and sneaking out at night to go to parties.

The list goes on and I am sure yours is even longer!

I have done it all.

False Failure

This is the opposite of fault failure.

This is the kind of failure that looks like a failure but is not a failure. For some, it could be described as a blessing in disguise. This could be a series of events that look disastrous at the surface but ultimately it turns out to be the best news you have ever received.

I got declined for a degree in geography, but I later received an acceptance letter to study geology which had always been my ultimate dream.

Imagine going to a bar after being dumped. You blame yourself and feel like a total failure in your relationship only for you to meet your prince charming while having a drink by the bar. Beautiful ending isn’t it?

These are very rare failures that happen to the best of us but when they do happen it is magical, and you feel like believing in unicorns again.

A lady speaking at a small business runway conference mentioned how she had been battling mental health issues such as depression. She was asked to present her small business and what she does to an audience of potential investors.

The lady was shaking uncontrollably and had stage fright. As she told her story and what her business is you could tell being in a mental institution sparked her entrepreneurial side that she never knew she had.

Long story short. She wrote several bestselling books about mental awareness to help others like her. The lady started a breakfast cereal with the right nutrients to help your body get all the energy it needs because she had learned while going through therapy that what you eat affects your mental health.

The lady also learned it’s important to take care of yourself and take time out to relax. She then made a wide range of bath salts and oils to help women relax while bathing. She spoke about how it’s important to take long baths and take care of your body without stressing about the world.

This impeccable lady had taken depression and turned it into a business!

Everyone around her thought she would never recover and amount to anything in life, but she turned her life around.

She rose like a phoenix through ashes.

Forced Failure

As implied in the name, this is the kind of failure that is forced upon you.

We have all been there, where circumstances beyond our control cause us to fail. It was never planned, and we could not have seen it coming but it did happen.

One would think this is the best kind of failure since you are not to blame but to us control freaks who believe we can control everything this one can be the most devastating.

It may also be difficult to go through it as we had no say in this situation. You might be thinking you have failed at everything in your life when in actual fact none of it is your fault.

Do not take the blame for things beyond your control. Let it go and learn to move on.

Now that we have discussed the three types of failure, let’s buckle up and focus on changing our perspective. Whether your failures fall into one category above or you have multiple failures falling into each category we must forge a way ahead.

As a start, take a moment to think about which area of your life experiences a lot of failures. Is it work, relationships, money, business, or personal?

If you describe yourself as a failure and you feel stuck where you are now and worst of all feel sorry for yourself, we must plan a way forward.

Sadness, regret, and holding a pity party for yourself is not helping anyone, not even you!

Alright, let’s talk about the things to do when you feel like a failure at everything in your life.

How to get past failure, things to do when you feel like a failure at everything in your life.

1.     Successful people fail

The fact that you feel you have failed at everything in your life means you have at least tried to do something unsuccessfully. The good news is that you have tried, many people have never tried. They failed before they started.

That is why it is said that the grave is full of dreams, inventions, and innovations that were never explored because people were too scared to fail. If you failed at a business or relationship, I applaud you because you started something.

Because you started and failed you now know what not to do next time. That is the motivation for you to try again and do things the right way. You might fail again and again but the important thing is that each time you learn and come back wiser with a new plan until you succeed.

The fear of failure can be a blocker to success, do not let it stand in your way.

2.     Get out of your comfort zone

If you have failed in your life, it’s time to do things differently. Get out of your comfort zone and do things that you have never done before.

One thing you don’t want to do when you are stressed and feeling hopeless is to isolate yourself and stay indoors. Go outside and breathe in the fresh air, take a deep breath. You will be surprised how a walk around the block can change your perspective.

Take small steps to find yourself again and to rise.

3.     Glass half full or half empty

It’s all about perspective. Are you a half-full or a half-empty kind of person? This will determine how you approach this uncertain period in your life.

Breathe to clear your head.

Confusion, desperation, chest pains, unbelief, weakness, hopelessness, and temporary numbness are some of the few things you will feel. You might not even be able to explain some of the emotions as the body seems to shut down.

You zone out of reality and go into a world of your own where everything seems to crumble.

The first step you should do is to BREATHE.

Sit down be it on the floor or alongside the pavement but sit down and breathe. At this moment where your judgment is clouded and everything is foggy, it’s important to simply take a step back and breathe.

When we lose loved ones, we might need to wake up each morning with grief but still remind ourselves to breathe.

Breathing is one of the top things to do when you feel like a failure at everything in your life.

4.     Accept your current state and make peace with it.

After you breathe you need to accept the situation. It has happened or is happening so there is nothing you can do about it.

If you cannot change it there is no use worrying and obsessing about it. It’s water under the bridge and as they say, it’s no use crying over spilled milk. We can only pick up the mop and clean the floor.

5.     Ditch the comparisons

You are not and never will be like anyone else. As it is often said, you are born an original, don’t die a copy.

Sometimes our problems are not as huge as we make them out to be, but because we are too busy comparing our misfortunes with other people’s lives it pushes us further into distress.

No one is a complete failure so don’t think everyone else is successful while you are completely stuck.

When you feel like a failure at everything in your life, do some self introspection and see if you do not feel like that because you are too focused on other peoples lives.

Live your own life.

6.     Turn things around

In our low periods, it is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. My grandfather always said, “I am so old that when I have to tie my shoelaces, I always think what else can I pick up while I am down there?”

Although he meant his bones are too fragile and do not allow him to keep squatting to pick things up there is a lesson, we can all learn. While we are all down, we might as well learn a few life lessons which we will apply to be better people tomorrow.

Make this bad moment worthwhile.

Yes, you might not feel like it, but you must. Make the most of this situation. It’s up to you how you use this situation to your advantage.

The good news is that the only person who can turn things around is you, it’s all in your power. Although you cannot change or undo your mistakes you have to forge a way forward.

Looking ahead is an important thing to do when you feel like a failure at everything in your life.

7.     Refocus on the future

Although this sounds impossible, you must look beyond your current circumstances. Time will heal all wounds and you must be patient with yourself.

Tomorrow is not today and looking forward will help you move forward.

To look forward, remind yourself of your life purpose and all the goals you aim to achieve. Remember your why and take baby steps to move on. You must take deliberate action to help your body and your mind to recover.

This can be as basic as taking walks daily in the park and starting to jog again. It can also be just getting out of the house occasionally to soak in the sun’s vitamin D.

Never forget that life is like a roller coaster, although you may be down today tables will soon turn.

Life situations whether good or bad are all temporary so do not be deterred.

Take a hard look at your core values in life and rethink what success means to you and why feel you have failed at everything in your life. After this reflection plan a way forward.

8.     It’s not about how strong we are

A wise man once said it’s not about how strong we are but about how long we can stay strong. The first time we fail is easy as we just get up and try again. But the more we fail the harder it is to get up and try again.

It becomes difficult to dust ourselves each time and try again. It’s not easy and it was never meant to be easy.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I feel tired and exhausted and just don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to keep going and I just want to sleep.

Although this is normal, it’s important to not give up but rather keep going. It’s darkest before dawn. Remind yourself that if you want to give up you are close to a breakthrough so keep going.

I know that you have been through a lot, but I am sure great things are on the way. The sun is almost rising, and new beginnings are coming.

The only way to succeed is to go through failure. So, you are doing life the right way if you have failed in some areas

9.     Be positive

Look for the positive things in life and areas where you have succeeded. Focusing on negative things will not motivate you.

The feeling of failure can be a mood dampener, but you must choose to be happy and stay positive.

Having a positive outlook on life is a personality trait we must all have. It may come easier for others and a bit more difficult for you and me. But we must do it.

Avoid negative feelings, negative thoughts, and negative emotions.

If there are external situations and people that keep pointing out your failures, stay away from them. They are no longer serving a purpose in your life. These could be family members, friends, or colleagues. Recognize any external factors that are a hindrance to your survival.

This is not a bad thing to do, it is critical to help you get over failure especially when you feel like a failure at everything in your life.

10.  Manage expectations

Although this may be difficult to hear you are not perfect. You make mistakes and that’s only because you are human. The best way to avoid feeling like a failure is to understand and accept that you will make mistakes.

If you think you are perfect and have this life thing under control, then failing will cause you to have a hard time.

Change the expectations you have of yourself and others.

When you learn to manage these expectations you go through life peacefully and happier.

11.  Don’t be a victim

Because you feel like a failure and everything in your life seems to be falling apart, it’s easier to be a victim. It’s easy to dwell on that failure and make it part of your identity.

But don’t fall into that trap!

Keep fighting and always motivate yourself to get back up and try again.

Everyone wakes up each morning and tries again, you also must do the same. You are closer to success than you think.

Why do we think failure is bad?

For everyone who has attended high school, we know that failure has a bad connotation based on what we were taught at school. We got grades and those were either good grades or bad grades.

If you failed a test, it was bad.

This makes us do everything we can to avoid failure in our own life as we continue to grow up.

However, failure is not bad, it is a stepping stone to success.

Failure feels horrible and no one wants to experience it because of this mentality. However today I want to say to you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although the period of failure may last longer than we think, it will get better.

Instead of fearing failure, embrace failure as a free teacher in life.

If we embrace our failures, we get to help others embrace their failures too.

We need to be like little kids learning to walk. They fail and fall several times, but they keep trying each time until they can walk.

No matter how many times you feel like a failure at everything in your life, you must keep getting up and keep trying.

In conclusion

If you have put in the hard work but are still failing it is difficult to keep trying but you must otherwise what is the purpose of life. Failures are building blocks to success.

Failure helps us find a new way of doing new things. It may even be that we fail at a job we are bad at and have to find a new job that we excel in.

Your whole life is not a mess, it’s just parts of it that are messy, it’s no reason to call yourself a failure. The only thing you have to do is look ahead.

One last golden thought. Leave past failures behind and focus on the future. Use these helpful ways and healthy ways to get through failure.

I know you enjoyed this article about what to do when you feel like a failure at everything in your life. Share with me what other mechanisms you found useful; I cannot wait to hear from you.