God, restore my marriage, please

God, please restore my marriage! These are the words of a spouse fighting for their marriage. It may be that your marriage is broken into a thousand pieces, or your partner has moved out, but you are wondering if this is really the end.

Is God going to restore your marriage?

Is it possible to piece it all together or perhaps it’s as good as spilled milk and you just must accept?

The institution of marriage is holy, and it is designed by God himself. You can trust that whatever our heavenly father has orchestrated he will run and ensure is successful.

A broken marriage seems to be the norm. Although there are different ways to try and restore a marriage there is only one way that works and that is through God.

The bottom line is that restoration of your marriage requires God’s intervention.

Even if you have given up on marriage and are in the process of divorce, this article can help you have a change of heart.

One secret to always remember is that whenever God talks about restoring things in the bible, he is sure about it. God uses the words “I will restore”. So that is a promise to hold onto.

Also, remember God hates divorce, he says so himself in Malachi 2:16 which says “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.”

Will God restore my marriage?

I’m sure the answer you are looking for is yes. And that is the answer I would like to give you, but first, let’s talk about your marriage and the reason why you are where you are today. The good news is that you are willing to work on your relationship problems. You have not given up and you should not.

Where did it all go wrong?

Whether your spouse is a high school sweetheart or college best friend or a church best friend that turned out to be the love of your life. Either way, you fell in love with this person and prayed about it and God gave you the go-ahead.

For years you were happy, and it seemed like a fairy-tale but today you can barely sit in the same room without almost killing each other. It’s so bad you cannot have a conversation without screaming and arguing with each other.

During this difficult period, you are going through a lot of feelings of guilt, sorrow, and sadness. Your marriage means everything to you but now that everything is in shambles you feel stuck and cannot move on.

It’s okay to have all these feelings. You are a human being, and the God of Israel understands what you are going through.

To summarize, you are both toxic to each other. I know you might be pointing a figure at the other person as the toxic one, but this article is about getting your marriage back on the right path.

How to get your marriage back on track

1.     Don’t fight each other, fight the enemy

It’s important to realize who the enemy is so you can fight him. Fighting each other is the reason the marriage is where it is so it’s time to refocus.

Look, you might think it’s the new love he has found elsewhere or that it’s his family and friends or your family and friends keeping you guys apart, but rethink this.

Although on the surface it can be true remember the devil comes in many forms.

In the garden of Eden, the devil came as a snake (Genesis 3:1-6). Snakes belong in the garden and being on trees and slithering is where they belong. So, it was no wonder Even met the snake there. It looked like it belongs. It didn’t look out of place therefore it was difficult to realize it was there to mislead Eve.

The lesson from this is that the devil may use people who look like they are close to you to drive a wedge into your marriage. It’s important to realize this and fight it.

Remember what John 10:10 says about the devil: “The thief comes only to kill and steal and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it in abundantly”.

Trust me the devil will steal your joy and happiness and destroy your marriage, it’s what he does. Don’t let him

The only way to fight the devil is to rebuke him day and night. As James 4:7 reads: “Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you”.

Resist the devil through prayer and meditation and positive affirmations of God’s word throughout the day. Keep God’s word and his promises about marriage and restoration close to your heart and use them to resist the devil’s lies.

Later I will share scriptures you can meditate on while God restores your marriage.

The devil’s lies include telling you that you are not good enough. He could remind you of your past failures and bring thoughts of blaming yourself. He could also highlight your spouse’s faults and increase your feelings of insecurities. Be care of these.

Look at the issue(s) between the two of you objectively. Both of you should try to find a solution that is acceptable to you.

It’s not about being right.

2.     Stop playing defense.

To make progress and amend your marriage you must stop playing defense. This does not downplay the hurt and pain you have suffered at the hands of your spouse.

It was bad, hard, and unfair, but it happened and most importantly it’s in the past. Do not be defensive. Open your mind to understand and receive the new beginnings.

When you play defense, your mind is not in a positive mood. The defense position allows negative emotions to rule and that’s not what we want.

Let go of bitterness and focus on positivity and building your marriage relationship.

Be open and willing to solve not only a specific problem but all problems.

3.     Take a look at the rear-view mirror

Looking in the rear-view mirror shows you what happened in the past. When it comes to fixing and restoring your marriage reflection is key. If you do not know what led to your marriage breakdown you won’t know where to start fixing it. Don’t get me wrong. Prayer and faith are key.

But James 2:26 warns that “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead. So also, faith apart from works is dead”. You must take deliberate action to fix your marriage and make the correct changes.

Acknowledge the truth and reality of past hurts and disappointment you have both caused. Yes, you have both hurt and disappointed each other, remember that during this difficult season.

You may have a broken heart and remembering the hurt and reliving the past will hurt but you only must do it this once.

Be objective, what toxic traits do you have? How could you have handled the situation better?

Instead of arguing and screaming, maybe you could have hugged your spouse and embraced your spouse.

Instead of harbouring all the hurt and pain maybe you could forgive. Change yourself first before you focus on your spouse.

Be honest with the part you played in destroying your marriage. You are not innocent, and you are not perfect. Remember Matthew 7:3 – “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye”.

4.     Get Naked

Get your head out of the gutter. I know you are thinking how does this help. At the beginning of creation, we learn that Adam and Eve were naked (Genesis 2:25) and that was normal for them. Getting naked in this sense means being transparent and vulnerable.

Getting naked speaks to intimacy and it speaks to accepting your partner’s faults and all. Be open with your partner.

5.     Remember that God is with you.

During this difficult season where you have questions and are waiting to hear if it is God’s plan for your marriage to work you might feel alone. God is with you, and he is in your corner fighting with you for your marriage to be restored.

The love that God has for you is unmatched. Despite the pain, rejection, and silence you could be feeling at this point do not ever forget the love of God for you.

Maybe you are the reason why your marriage fell apart. Maybe you were unfaithful or lying or gambling or have a bad temper. Whatever the reason is, God has forgiven you and he loves you.

Romans 8:37-39 comforts us by saying ” No, in all these things we have complete victory through him who loved us! For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below — there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.

6.     Have Faith

Christianity is based on faith. In Hebrews 11:6 it says, ” No one can please God without faith, for whoever comes to God must have faith that God exists and rewards those who seek him”.

Your spouse might have packed their bags and left your heart broken. Maybe you have even framed your certificate of divorce and have been a divorced woman or man for a while.

It might look like there is no hope as if your fate is cast in stone, but we serve a miracle-working God.

You must have faith that your greatest desire for your spouse to come back will happen

The most inspiring story is that of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. He took all his inheritance and had a great life spending it. But in the end, when he had lost everything, he remembered and returned home.

The father welcomed his son back with open arms and hosted a massive celebration. The father had faith that his son will come back.

Have the same kind of faith. It will all work out for the best. Do not look at the circumstances and what you see with physical eyes, God is working in the background, and he will answer your prayers.

Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s love.

Go back to the original definition of faith in Hebrew 11:1 which reads “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see”.

Even if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, hold onto it. Do not let your lack of faith stand in the way of restoring your marriage to its former glory.

7.     Get support

The best way to get through a tough period is to lean on a support structure that loves you and has your best interest at heart. You can find a support group at church or around your neighbourhood that can listen to you.

Join groups that have people who are struggling with the same problems you are. If are battling an addiction that contributed to ending your problems this support group will help you.

A problem shared is a problem half solved.

Some days you will feel like giving up and it will feel like you are not getting your marriage back and it is at this point that you will need to lean on people who love and care for you.

See a counselor. This person should be a professional who knows how to handle marriage issues and is certified to help couples like you.

Most churches have a Christian counsellor, so visit your local church and see if they can offer those services for free.

Read as much material as you can. Knowledge is power. Read on marriage, love, hope, and faith. The best book to read is the bible so keep it close to your heart day and night. The bible is a good book to comfort you and to learn God’s perfect will for your life. Mediate on bible verses about God’s love and promises.

8.     Surrender it all to God

The one mistake we make is that we can do it on our own. Fortunately, we cannot. God is in charge, and he is in control. Let go of control. Marriage was designed by God so let him fix it. Let your marriage battle be God’s battle.

Don’t run marriage your own way.

How to be a better partner when God restores your marriage

After God has restored your marriage, you will need to do better. You both need to learn how to be married and how to fall in love with each other again. You don’t want to be walking on eggshells trying to avoid rocking the boat in case your marriage falls apart again.

Married couples will always have challenges, but the important thing is to learn to navigate them

Learn to communicate the right way

We all communicate but very few of us know how to communicate effectively. In your restored marriage be prepared to adjust by letting go of bad habits. Focus on nurturing each other and building each other.

Be your husband’s or wife’s number one fan and cheerleader.

Decide how and when to communicate. You could be communicating to pass on information, share thoughts and ideas, and show opinions and ideas.

Remember that your tone, body language, and words determine how to communicate effectively.

Listen more and talk less. Yes, ladies talk less.

Actively listen. Don’t be distracted while listening to things around you. Listen to understand and empathize. Don’t make assumptions and don’t interrupt your partner when they are speaking.

Proverbs 18:23 says – “Listen before you answer. If you, don’t you are being stupid and insulting”.

When your partner speaks listen and be sure to understand what your partner is saying. If you don’t understand, ask them to explain politely.

Learn to control yourself

Proverbs 25:28 reads “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls”.

Stop with the outburst and tantrums. They don’t help.

Stop with the rage and aggressive behavior it’s not helping anyone.

Change

Yes, change begins with you. How badly do you want your marriage restored? How many changes are you willing to make for that to happen. If you and your spouse get back together and no one has changed, then you are likely to have another marriage breakdown soon.

You don’t have to change your whole wardrobe or revamp your house, but you do have to make small subtle changes.

Make breakfast in bed for your partner once a week, buy flowers, and stick in a romantic note. Give them a back scrub and massage their legs after a long day.

Yes, they forgot to buy bread or didn’t put the toilet seat down. Maybe their sock and dirty shoes are in the kitchen, or your mother-in-law is once again making your life miserable. Those are valid reasons to be angry and bitter.

But if you want to build a personal relationship with your spouse you must put all your efforts into being kind and loving towards your partner. Marriage restoration requires work.

Put effort into building your intimate relationship to when you first met. you must put in the work to be a better husband or a devoted wife. A good marriage is made up of imperfect human beings who share true love and are willing to do anything to make their marriage work.

Learn your partner’s love languages and do your best to show them love in a way that they understand.

One thing that breaks relationships and causes broken homes is that we show our spouses love in ways they don’t understand. In turn, they tend to think we don’t love them.

We could be thinking we are trying new things to spice things up but if it is not their love language, they might not receive it and appreciate it the way we want to. This might then make us angry and sad and start a wide range of marriage problems that do not exist.

Many people want to grow but they do not want to change. Growth and change are a power couple, you cannot get one without the other. I admit that change is uncomfortable, difficult, and painful but it has to happen.

Love is a verb

God, our father showed us how to love by sending his one son to die for us.

1 John 4: 9 says “And God showed his love for us by sending his only Son into the world, so that we might have life through him. This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven.

God showed us what true love is and what it looks like and that is the example we should follow.

Love is about being selfless and laying your life down for someone else. Loving someone is not all about yourself but about your spouse and partner.

Love is an action word. If you say you love your partner, you must show them that love. Yes, you have gone through a hard time but now you must put everything behind you and focus and show love.

Do not be selfish in love. As Philippians 2: 3-4 says “Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble towards one another, always considering others better than yourselves. And look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own. The attitude you should have is the one that Christ Jesus had”.

Its small gestures that you should change. Breakfast in bed, flowers, romantic notes, homecooked meal, dinner date, kind words of encouragement, good morning texts, and kind texts throughout the day.

Set boundaries around your marriage

It’s time to do marriage differently. One of the main key things to do is to set boundaries. These boundaries should depend on what you are improving in your marriage.

If social media was the issue, then agree to not be on your phones every night but rather spend quality time together. If you never had time for each other plan to prioritize your marriage by spending more time together.

Have dinner dates without kids and have family vacations with kids. The point is to make time for your marriage.

If family and friends are causing problems in your marriage, set boundaries for them. Decide not to ever talk badly about your spouse to your friends and family.

Set boundaries to not overshare any challenges you might have with your partner. After all, if you have issues with your partner rather address them with your partner.

Be honest and truthful

Try a marriage based on honesty and being truthful. Don’t bottle things up it will only explode later in your face and hurt everyone around you. You could be untruthful for many different reasons but choose honesty.

Learn to deal with conflict and disagreements

Every relationship including marriage is made up of people with different backgrounds, ideas, values, and beliefs. This means every relationship is susceptible to disagreements.  

They are unavoidable.

However, it is how we handle the disagreements and how we resolve them that matters. It’s not by shouting at each other or screaming. It is about respect and intentionally seeking peace.

It’s okay to have disagreements and share different thoughts and ideas on the same topic. It does not mean it should end in a fight or end your marriage. Find amicable ways to find common ground. It is fruitless to try and convince your partner that you are right, and they should abandon their views and opinions to follow yours.

Remember your marriage partner is a grown human being capable of thinking and making their own decisions. Do not try to control your partner.

While fighting we forget why we love this person. In some cases, people tend to think they hate the other person. But it’s not true. That’s why it’s always advised that don’t say anything while angry because you will regret it when things cool down.

Remember how much of a great person your partner is and how amazing they are. Focus on the perfect qualities the person has. Accept your partner with their faults.

Romans 15:7 “Accept one another, then, for the glory of God, as Christ has accepted you.”

When resolving conflicts, listen attentively, do not point fingers, and do not bring back old issues: 1 Corinthians 13:5 – “Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs.

Pray for your partner every day.

Pray for their needs and desires and what they plan to achieve in life. You know their shortcomings too, so pray for those.

A praying couple stays together

Examples of God restoring things

Lazarus raised from the dead

Lazarus was sick (John 11:1-46). His sisters asked Jesus to heal him, and Jesus said that Lazarus would not die. But he dies. The sisters are angry at Jesus because they felt he didn’t arrive on time to heal their brother.

However, Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead!

That was Jesus restoring life when everyone was sure that it was impossible.

It might look like your marriage is over and you are wondering if God can restore your marriage. And the answer is yes, he can.

Widows’ son

In Luke 7:11-17, we read about a widow who was on her way to bury her son. When Jesus saw the pain in this woman he was touched and resurrected the son.

God sees your pain and hurt, and he wants to heal your heart and restore what you have lost in your marriage.

Jairus’ Daughter

In Luke 8:49-56, Jesus raises Jairus’ daughter from the dead.

All these stories should inspire you and remind you of God’s compassion for his people and how much God will do the impossible to give his children like you all they want and need.

Bible verses for motivation

Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burnt; the hard trials that come will not hurt you.

Psalms 36:5 – LORD, your constant love reaches the heavens; your faithfulness extends to the skies.

2 Corinthians 4:7 -Yet we who have this spiritual treasure are like common clay pots, in order to show that the supreme power belongs to God, not to us.

Isaiah 43:19 – Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already — you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.

Jeremiah 32:27 – “I am the LORD, the God of the whole human race. Nothing is too difficult for me.

Colossians 3:12-13 – You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you

Psalms 32:6-8 – So all your loyal people should pray to you in times of need; when a great flood of trouble comes rushing in, it will not reach them. You are my hiding place; you will save me from trouble. I sing aloud of your salvation, because you protect me. The LORD says, “I will teach you the way you should go; I will instruct you and advise you.

Isaiah 41:10 – Do not be afraid — I am with you! I am your God — let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.

John 10:27 – My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28I give them eternal life, and they shall never die. No one can snatch them away from me.

Psalms 119:49-50 – Remember your promise to me, your servant; it has given me hope. Even in my suffering I was comforted because your promise gave me life.

Ephesians 4:31-32 – Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

What if God does not restore my marriage?

Sometimes we think God is a genie that grants wishes and we can go to him and ask, and he will grant all our wishes. But that is not what happens. Sometimes marriages are not restored, and prayers are not answered, and we have to understand and be able to deal with it.

The consolation is that God gives beauty to ashes, so worry not.

Keep in mind 1 Peter 1:6-7: ” Be glad about this, even though it may now be necessary for you to be sad for a while because of the many kinds of trials you suffer. Their purpose is to prove that your faith is genuine. Even gold, which can be destroyed, is tested by fire; and so, your faith, which is much more precious than gold, must also be tested, so that it may endure. Then you will receive praise and glory and honour on the Day when Jesus Christ is revealed”.

There are a couple of prayers that God did not answer in the bible, let’s look at a few examples.

Jesus’ prayer at the mountain.

 

Let’s quickly talk about Luke 22:42. This is Jesus’ short prayer before he was brought before Pilate and crucified. He prayed, “Father,” he said, “if you will take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.”

Jesus was about to be beaten and crucified and he realized it will be painful and he asked God to not allow him to suffer.

He asked God to intervene and not abandon him on the cross.

God didn’t take the cup of suffering away.

Jesus prayed so hard his sweat turned to blood (Luke 22:44). That’s how much he wanted God to answer his prayer. He begged God to take it away and God did not.

You and I are saved because the cup of suffering was not taken away.

When we suffer, we feel weak, and we feel we cannot do this anymore. We want God to take the pain of divorce and separation away and restore love, peace, and happiness.

But sometimes God will not answer. Sometimes he will not restore the marriage and the relationship, and we must go through it as Jesus did.

The key is what Jesus said at the end of his prayer: “not my will, however, but your will be done”. We must pray for God to do his will. Even when we don’t understand it, we know that it will result in good because our father loves us. Jesus’ end goal on earth was to die and he knew it, but when it came to it, it was a lot for him to bear.

We must be prepared to suffer and go through rough patches with Jesus, no matter how painful and unfair it is. Ask God to give you peace during this difficult time.

Remember peace is not the absence of tragedy

When Jesus was asking for the cup of suffering to be passed on God sent an Angel to strengthen him to be able to go through this suffering. God will give you the strength to go through divorce and separation.

Luke 22:43 – ” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.”

God refuses to remove a thorn from Paul

Paul talks about praying three times to God so that he can remove an ailment. But Gods answer was “But his answer was: “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Paul starts by telling us in verse 8 that he was given this ailment to keep him from being proud.

After God’s response in verse 10, Paul says: “I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Be prepared to continue living happily even if your marriage is not restored. God still wants to use you and bless you throughout your life even if your marriage is broken.

David asks God to heal his child, but the child dies

David had a child with Uriah’s wife and God caused the child to be sick. He prayed without ceasing and refused to eat during the time the child was sick. However, God didn’t answer that prayer and the child died. This was painful.

When David heard the child died, he went to worship God, he bathed and ate.

This behaviour caused so much confusion as everyone expected him to mourn. He didn’t get what he asked for.

David’s answer was ” “Yes,” David answered, “I did fast and weep while he was still alive. I thought that the LORD might be merciful to me and not let the child die. But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Could I bring the child back to life? I will someday go to where he is, but he can never come back to me.”

God loves us all, but he knows what’s best for us. Don’t hold onto a marriage if God has left it. Let it go.

It’s easier said than done, I know.

If your marriage is indeed over. Cry, hold a pity party and let out your emotions. Be heartbroken and refuse to eat. But at some point, you have to move on.

When God rejected Saul as King, Samuel was very sad about it and God said ” The LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you go on grieving over Saul? I have rejected him as king of Israel. But now get some olive oil and go to Bethlehem, to a man named Jesse, because I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”

In this story, we learn that sometimes God moves on and so should we.

Even if your marriage is not restored you can live happily and peacefully and God can bless you and make your life better. God can even bless you with another better partner and another marriage instead of restoring your marriage!

Finally

May the Grace of God be with you throughout this ordeal. During this spiritual warfare have faith and believe that Christ God will restore your marriage. My prayer for every hurting wife, ex-husband, loving father, and hurting husband out there is that God grants you your heart’s desires and answers your prayers. I will continue to pray with you and ask God to please restore your marriage.

Instead of saying God answer my prayer, start thanking God because the answer is already on its way. Get ready to fall in love with the wife of your youth and to meet your husband’s heart with unconditional love. God can and will restore your will marriage to better than it was.

It’s all about what God can do not you.

I stand with you in faith that God will restore your marriage