The question of divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me is not one to be taken lightly because once two people are married they become one and their bodies no longer belong to themselves but to each other.
Now this presents a massive challenge and comes with complications.
Couples normally never foresee this lack of intimacy happening because when they get married the honeymoon phase seems like it could last forever.
The sexual desire seems to be there 24/7 and the two of you cannot even imagine sleeping in separate rooms.
But hear it from me, your sexual relationship can change dramatically, and many do not know how to deal with it. It’s as if life gets in the way and the sexual activity gets out of the way. You become more of best friends than a married couple who enjoy frequent sex and a deep emotional connection.
So, let us unpack this.
What should you do in a sexless marriage? Before saying I am divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me, take a minute to skim through this.
What does a lack of intimacy do to a wife?
While no legal rights say you need to have sexual intimacy with your wife on a regular basis, you should engage in intimacy as often as possible.
Women have sexual needs that should be fulfilled by their partners. The lack of sexual intimacy is detrimental, and it makes women feel unwanted and unloved. The lack of physical intimacy between married people means you are not fulfilling the basic needs of your partner.
Have an active sex life and you will see how your wife blossoms and appreciates you. Yes, men are sexual beings, but women need sex.
But with women, it is always about the quality of sex. It’s not about little sex or a lot of sex, with women the most important thing is the quality of sex.
Lack of intimacy makes a woman angry, bitter, resentful, and possibly disrespectful. Women will check out of a marriage due to little sex or no sex completely.
As a secret, if a woman is angry try showing her some love and watch how her mood changes. Sometimes the emotional issues you have in your house could be solved by restoring intimacy.
What happens to a man in a sexless marriage?
Sexless marriage is a big deal for any man. Remember that men are sexual beings.
Someone said a man needs sex as much as a car needs gas/petrol to move. Intimacy is an important part of any marriage which is why men feel sexless marriage grounds divorce.
With men, the body heat is always high. Men are ever ready to engage in sex so if they do not get it they may also become resentful and feel frustrated. Remember that men will do anything for a woman they love and cherish as long as their sexual needs are satisfied.
Men would rather love to put in effort to increase their sex life than go to couples therapy.
Naturally, men do not speak a lot.
It is a cruel treatment to deny your man sex. If anything, the best way to fix marriages and some mental health issues is to work on sexual intimacy.
Without it, men withdraw from the marriage and invest their energy in other hobbies.
The key takeaway is that instead of avoiding difficult conversations and opting to ignore each other rather talk it out and make out. Staying celibate in a marriage for an extended period of time is not advisable.
So now that we are aware of all the reasons you could say that you are divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me, let’s take it a step further.
I am considering divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me BUT
Where did things go wrong?
1. Life gets in the way, and you lose sight of what is important.
In all honesty, keeping an intimate relationship going for the long term is hard work. After years of marriage, life happens. The kids come and career growth happens. It’s no wonder sexual intercourse is not the main topic of conversation.
There seems to be more to think and worry about than sex.
You are both on different schedules and you have family issues to deal with that seem to never end. Listen we have all been there.
If this is left unchecked, you will soon be sleeping in separate beds and what follows is the conversation around divorce proceedings. Best believe that what you do not address in the short term will come back and bite you in the long term.
So, it’s always a good idea to talk about issues before absolute divorce becomes the only option.
2. Built up resentment.
When couples get into the habit of sweeping things under the carpet it builds up resentment inside them and the thought of sex becomes repulsing.
This is where romantic relationships become hard.
Individuals cherish alone time more and would rather be in separate bedrooms than spend quality time together in the bedroom.
Marriage is not about being alone but about building together. Yes, you could say I am divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me, but maybe there are resentment issues that you could work on.
Divorce is a forever thing.
3. She does not satisfy me.
Although you may make sexual advances towards your sex lives sometimes the spark is gone. The intimate connection you had before you said “I do” is now gone and you have no idea how to get it back.
You have reached a point where sex therapy does not work anymore because all the years of neglect have removed any desires you had for each other.
Now you feel as if your wife does not make your dreams come true and you cannot bear it anymore. For many couples, it happens that their sex life is not what they dreamed of and that frustrates them and makes them want divorce.
4. You are tired of asking.
Having an intimate connection does not happen automatically. It needs effort from both partners. But if you keep initiating intimacy and getting rejected, the rejection may create a permanent wedge between you two.
People do get tired of asking and communicating their own needs with no results.
So, it is difficult to talk about divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me especially if you love her, but she keeps denying you intimacy.
I am considering divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me BUT
How can I fix things?
1. Seek professional help.
Yes, put your two cents worth of pride aside and go speak to a family therapist. Getting professional help about sexual issues is not easy, but the results are worth every inch of being uncomfortable.
What I mean is that before you contact an experienced family law attorney, consider a therapist to talk about the issues you are experiencing in the bedroom.
This will help you unpack the roots of the problem. You may find that your partner has a medical condition, or they are not mentally well hence the withdrawal from sex and the constructive abandonment.
Ask your partner if they are willing to consider that as a possibility and do it together.
You must do it together and you must agree before doing it.
2. Have a sit-down and talk about it.
I am not saying sit down and point fingers and shout at each other,
NO!
I am saying to have a mature conversation with your wife about issues in your marriage. Lay out the problems respectfully and be eager to find a solution.
You are not in a ring, fighting against each other, you are both sitting on the couch and the problem is the TV, it is sitting in front of you, and you are both looking at it and finding ways to address it.
That is how effective communication works.
Shouting, blaming, and using degrading language or body shaming is not the right way to do it. That will create more scars than it builds, trust me.
When you talk about it, please listen to your partner.
Listen to understand. Be willing to hear your partner first before you can be heard. Understand before you can be understood.
Bonus tip, be solution orientated.
Get into the conversation with the willingness to fix things. In this case, attitude is everything.
3. Spice it up.
This is tricky because the definition of spicy is different for different people. But you know your partner. What did they like before? What made you fall for this person and crave intimacy with them?
Answer these questions honestly and you are halfway through fixing your marriage.
If they like dressing up, role play, or even good food. Then I say do that and allow yourself to fall in love all over again.
If your partner likes physical touch then make them feel loved by touching them. Smile and do dirty talk or sexting to get your partner in the mood. By any means necessary, please allow yourself to go above and beyond for your partner.
4. If all else fails, divorce.
Listen, at some point, things have really gone beyond repair and the only solution is to divorce. While this is painful, it may give you the peace of mind you need.
I think this should be the last resort.
While to some, divorce is not a big thing, the process is lengthy, and it can get messy so be sure that it is what you want.
Remember that this is your partner that you love and vowed to be with through thick and thin. Well, this is the thin and you need to stay true to it.
For all partners out there, who are saying I am divorcing my wife for not sleeping with me, I understand your sentiment and I think your viewpoint is valid. But try to be positive and shift your mindset from divorce to fixing and see what happens.
5. Could this just be a phase? Nothing is permanent.
In life, we go through all four seasons. While some last longer than others, it is important to realize that each season is not permanent.
Nothing in life is permanent.
The day this dawned on me was the day I realized I could overcome any challenge that came my way.
So, while today you are in a sexless marriage, it was not always like that, and it will not always be like that. So, avoid making permanent decisions based on temporary situations.
