How to deal with disrespect in a relationship, 5 Ways

How dare they treat you like that!

Living with people is hard.

No matter how hard we try, people always find a way to get on our wrong side. The worst of these behaviors is disrespect. I mean it starts with words and then actions and the last stage is full-blown disrespectful behavior.

We wonder how people can talk and treat us like that. How can they not know that it’s disrespectful? I mean for us it’s as clear as day.

However, living with people has taught many of us that common sense is not so common and what we think is obvious is actually not.

And you are not asking for a lot, right? Just mutual respect. How hard can it be?

Well, there are a few things to consider when dealing with disrespectful people. This can be a disrespectful partner, family member, or even best friend. The aim is to build a healthy relationship void of disrespect.

But what should you do if someone continues to disrespect you?

You must deal with disrespect as soon as possible. Otherwise, it becomes a habit that is even harder to address and get rid of. It’s sometimes difficult to see disrespect because it starts as little things.

Sometimes you don’t even realize that someone has disrespected you until you think about it in retrospect. More often we think that disrespect is a once-off event triggered by extreme circumstances only to find out that it is deeper than that.

If you are frustrated and not sure what to do, don’t worry, this article will help you by giving you tips on how to deal with disrespect in a relationship.

Why is respect an important building block to relationships?

Mutual respect forms a strong foundation of any relationship. When people feel that they are respected they behave better and form stronger relationships. They are more loving and willing to nurture the relationship.

However, when disrespect becomes the order of the day in your relationship things start to turn south. What you thought was relationship goals is actually your worst nightmare coming true.

When you are unhappy and disrespected you become defensive and unwilling to make a relationship work.

Remember that disrespectful people will continue to be disrespectful if you don’t talk about it. It’s no use holding onto grudges because you are disrespected, it steals from your peace of mind.

We all have relationship problems but that doesn’t mean you have to continue living with them. It’s always good practice to talk about important issues such as how to deal with disrespect in a relationship.

Listen, I’m not saying the make and break of your relationship should hinge on disrespect, but it’s good practice to know what your deal breakers are in any relationship.

Before we talk about how to deal with disrespect in a relationship let’s quickly highlight things that make dealing with disrespect in a relationship difficult

Why is difficult to deal with disrespect in a relationship?

Understanding human behavior is hard and at the end of the day, each human being thinks on their own. But there are a few things that might help you understand why dealing with disrespect is hard.

1. Ego

Ego plays a huge role in addressing disrespect. People who disrespect others usually think very highly of themselves. There is likely to be narcissistic thinking and behavior. These are people who believe in having the last word and that they are always right. They refuse to listen to other people who try and call them out.

Check your ego. Be careful not to let your ego cause you to disrespect others. If you realize that the person disrespecting you has an ego problem, be very gentle and smart when addressing the issues.

Otherwise, it will blow up in your face and we don’t want that.

2. Different backgrounds and upbringing

This is a sensitive issue, especially in romantic relationships. One person once said it’s a miracle that two people who grew up in two different homes and environments can live peacefully together and build a home.

Although this sounds pessimistic, when you think about it you realize that relationships are made up of two different people. These people hold different views, thoughts, and ideas.

Sometimes this is a great thing but not always. It may open the door to disrespect because we don’t understand or agree with each other’s beliefs, cultures, and backgrounds.

Navigating relationships is hard, especially with disrespect.

If you realize that the source of disrespect is a difference in upbringing, culture, and background then you have to address these differences first before you talk about disrespect.

In most cases, you will realize that the disrespect melts away when we understand, appreciate, and celebrate each other’s differences.

Now that we have an idea of why every relationship requires respect and we know some of the causes of disrespect, let’s talk about how to deal with disrespect in a relationship.

How to deal with disrespect in a relationship.

1.     Talk about it.

It is a big deal when you are disrespected but throwing a tantrum about it and storming out or shouting about it will not help, neither is bottling everything up and giving the offender silent treatment.

As the Chinese say “all great battles are won without fighting”, so we have to find a way to communicate without fighting.

The best way which is most effective is to sit down and talk about it like the adults that we are. Communicating our thoughts and feelings is an art that most of us do not have. We struggle to effectively communicate and that is why we easily turn mountains out of molehills.

So let me share a few tips to use when you sit down and have an adult conversation. It’s a disaster to try and have a conversation about disrespect if you will both end up disrespecting each other.

Create the time to talk about disrespect

To have a great conversation you need to dedicate quality time to talk about relationship issues that affect you. It will not help if you decide to have a 15-minute conversation. Don’t even think disrespect is one of the small things that are wrong in your relationship and will disappear overnight, it won’t.

When talking about important things like disrespect, be sure to set up enough time. Even if you don’t have free time because you are busy, make time.

The only person who can make a relationship work is you.

The approach is everything

How you approach the person who has disrespected you is the first step to having a conversation that could resolve this forever. A human being will only openly discuss an offense if they do not feel attacked or ambushed.

Explain that you just want to talk about what’s bothering you and your objective is to fix things and find a solution that works for both of you

Find a quiet environment

Location is everything. You don’t want to discuss issues that are sensitive in a parking lot, busy shopping center, on a hospital bed, or during Christmas lunch or thanksgiving.

Choose the perfect time and location with just the two of you.

Whether it’s your partner, colleague, friend, or family member, find the right environment. I suggest a relaxing environment where you are comfortable.

Listen

Listen to understand, do not listen to respond. Understandably, you want to use this opportunity to speak and be heard. But remember that just as there are two different sides to a coin there are also two different sides to a story.

If it is disrespect in a toxic relationship, it may be hard to listen as you have been hurt and are not necessarily willing to listen but be open.

However, you must listen attentively and hear the other person out.

Clearly explain why you feel disrespected

The truth is sometimes people who disrespect us do not know that they are disrespecting us. The answer to the why question you have is that everyone describes disrespect differently, including you.

So, during this conversation be clear about the events that were disrespectful and how they made you feel. Be clear and concise, do not use this opportunity to talk about the sock that was left in the kitchen or the dishes that were not washed, or even the present they didn’t buy for you on your birthday.

Only talk about the situation at hand, do not mix issues up. Isolate and solve the incidences at hand.

Do not blame your partner rather focus on how to build.

Control your emotions don’t let them lead the conversation.

Refrain from using phrases that blame others.

Be calm

During this conversation, emotions may run high, keep your feeling and emotions in control. If it gets too difficult take a moment to cool down by drinking water.

If you feel you cannot continue do not abruptly walk away from the conversation, kindly explain that you need time to cool down and ask if you can reschedule it.

Reduce expectations

When you deal with disrespect you have to be realistic. Your partner or your family member may not see it as disrespect. If after explaining your feelings, you realize that it’s not well received then you have to make a decision.

Will you walk away because disrespect is a deal breaker or will you choose peace and accept it?

If you have unrealistic expectations, it could hurt you. Not having expectations is a good idea and it helps you to be open-minded throughout the conversation.

Forgive

Holding onto past disrespect is the worst way to build relationships. Once the issue has been resolved do not bring it up ever again. Forgive and move on. Here is a simple guide on how to forgive. It is not easy, but love is like that, it does not keep a record of wrongs.

2.     Set boundaries

At the end of the conversation, you need to reach a resolution. One of the most important things to do is to set boundaries. Be clear about your boundaries so that the next person understands you.

If you don’t define your boundaries people walk all over you and they treat you in any way that they want. Let people know what makes you angry and what makes you happy.

Remind them what you see as disrespect and what your tolerance level is.

3.     Be confident in yourself and your abilities

Disrespect can make you feel like a loser with low self-esteem. And sometimes it’s the aim of the person who is hurting you to make you feel small.

Don’t fall for this trick. Use this guide to learn how to build and keep your confidence. If they realize that no matter how they disrespect you, you keep smiling and gaining more confidence they will give up.

Disrespect from people who want to destroy you and want to see you fail can be dealt with by not allowing it to affect you.

Other people’s opinions about you are exactly just that, opinions. Don’t give them life and believe them as if they are a reality. Create your own reality.

Don’t let your boss or employee make you feel like a failure and that you are not capable of more. That kind of disrespect can get to you and affect your self-confidence and self-esteem, don’t let it get to you.

Don’t give people the platform to disrespect you.

Be confident enough to stand up for yourself.

4.     Get to the root of the problem

Sometimes disrespect is a symptom of something deeper in an individual. It can be a sign of personal insecurities or childhood trauma that has not been dealt with.

It could also be a result of a continuous stressful situation at work or with family. Whatever is causing the disrespect, get to the bottom of it.

It could be that your partner is using you as a punching bag to release stress about something they are battling with. Therefore, you must understand why your sweet caring partner has lately become disrespectful.

You can discuss this during your sit-down session.

But don’t be fooled, some people are just disrespectful in nature, and it has nothing to do with having a bad day or dealing with a stressful situation. It’s just their horrible nature.

5.     See a professional

Some situations require a third objective person to resolve them.

Don’t be shy to ask for help on how to deal with disrespect in a relationship. There are professional marriage counselors or therapists who are ready to help you deal with disrespect in a relationship.

Try to convince your partner, friend, or family member to go for counseling with you so that you can iron out your issues.

Effects of disrespect in a relationship

You might think disrespect is not a major issue but subconsciously you will start to react to this bad behavior. That’s why it’s important to learn how to deal with disrespect in a relationship.

Affect your intimate relations

In an intimate relationship, bad habits can have a massive impact on how the relationship turns out. It might mean the end of the relationship, or it might mean couples therapy where you try and resolve this.

When you feel disrespected you might withdraw from any kind of affection towards your partner. You may start to hate them and even not want them in your personal space. That’s why it’s important to address disrespect very early.

We don’t want to address it the next time it happens but the first time it happens.

Affect your self-esteem and confidence

It’s easy to see disrespect and project it back to yourself. You start to think that something is definitely wrong with you.

Somehow disrespectful, rude, and mean people do have a way of making you doubt your self-worth and skills. Be aware of this and don’t let it get to you.

How to know you are being disrespected

Although disrespect is different for different people there are some signs to look out for. These are issues that need to be addressed not swept under the carpet. Some of these are clear red flags that you need to watch out for in a partner especially if you want to marry them.

However, there are many more behaviors of disrespect than the few items on this list. If your partner’s behavior is disrespectful to you use the healthy ways, we described above to solve it.

1. Shouting and screaming at your partner

When talking to our loved ones sometimes we get angry and raise our voices. This can escalate to screaming. Usually, if a person feels like they are unheard they tend to raise their voices. This is not the right way to talk to each other.

Be calm and express your views calmly. Conflict resolution requires a peaceful environment where even the people in the next room cannot hear you.

Shouting at each other or someone else is a clear sign of disrespect whether it’s done in a private room or in front of other people, it is still disrespectful.

2. Flirting

Some people think flirting is being kind. However, there is a thin line between being kind and flirting. When you are in a relationship you have to consider your partner’s feelings.

The only way to know if flirting is wrong is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How would you feel if your partner was to exude the same behavior as you? If you would be uncomfortable then your partner feels the same too.

A happy marriage or successful relationship requires you to respect each other and protect each other. People around you will only respect your partner if you respect them too.

Do not humiliate your partner, love them.

Refrain from thinking that your partner is insecure and that’s why they think you are flirting with other people.

Be considerate.

3. Crossing boundaries

We all have boundaries and it’s important that our partners and family members respect these boundaries.

If people do not respect these boundaries, it can cause major issues. Set healthy boundaries and when these are not respected raise them with the people not respecting you. If you let people cross your boundaries for a long time it becomes normal.

4. Abuse

This is a thorny one but it’s important. Most of us have experienced one form of abuse or the other but we love our partners or friends so much that we ignore the clear signs.

Abusive partners usually say and do disrespectful things.

If you are experiencing abuse of any kind, please seek professional help. The last thing we need is to read about another story of a person who has lost their life to abuse.

Abusive people are very manipulative and remember manipulation is a form of emotional abuse. When you confront them, they play the victim or try to tell a sad story, so you sympathize with them. Some may even apologize and promise to never do it again. They may blame it on you or buy gifts to try and soften the situation, but do not be fooled.

Demanding change from an abusive partner may be effortless and in such cases, be prepared to leave.

An abusive relationship is not a relationship worth holding onto.

Don’t be scared of losing your partner and be worried if you will ever find someone who will love you and appreciate you. We have a guide on how to love and spoil yourself as a single person and how to wait for the right partner.

I know you want to believe the best about everyone and that things will get better, but abusive people never change. You will keep hoping that they become a better person, I am sorry to tell you that your partner will not become a better person anytime soon.

If you are experiencing physical abuse, you need to put yourself first. Your life and mental health are at risk. If you tolerate domestic violence, you might be signing your death certificate.

5. Ignore your views, thoughts, and opinions

Ever felt like talking to your partner is like talking to a wall? Do you feel like no matter what you say, they do whatever they feel is right? It’s as if they don’t care how you feel.

Ignoring your partner’s opinion is the worst thing that you can do. It makes your partner feel belittled and invaluable.

If your partner already suffers from low self-esteem, not listening to them makes this worse.

You don’t know everything and please do not try to behave as if you do. Both of you need to discuss issues together and take each other’s opinions important.

6. Verbal abuse

“How stupid are you?”

“Who thinks like that?”

“Why do you always do this, you inconsiderate fool?”

“I hate you, pack your bags and leave”

These and many more are abusive words that partners scream at each other. These words although you could easily brush them off will continually play in your head.

Whether you are having a bad day or not, belittling your partner is just an inconsiderate personal habit you have, just know that verbal abuse is a sign of an abusive boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, boss, or friend.

It could also be that a trusted friend keeps demotivating you and saying negative things about you, this is an early sign of disrespect.

You need to have an honest conversation about this form of disrespect. After you have this conversation, you can then have a healthy relationship with them.

7. Lying

There are some people whose pants are always on fire because they are always lying.

This personally for me is the utmost form of disrespect. I mean for someone to think you are either naïve or stupid enough to believe your lies is ridiculous.

Lies have short legs.

If your partner consistently lies to you, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you at all. Address this will them. There are pathological liars so be careful of those.

Finally

Instead of shouting or thinking “if you think you are going to treat me like that you have another thing coming” try saying under your breath “I love you”. Even if you have to whisper it through clenched teeth, say it.

Yes, your partner is disrespectful, but we love them and care about them. Correct them and address the situation with love.

Take a closer look at your relationship, what are the things you feel are forms of disrespect? Communicate them and be prepared to change. Don’t just expect your partner to change, you might also have to change.

You are not perfect, and you have probably hurt your partner and disrespected them without knowing.

Share with us what is the most disrespectful thing you have experienced and how did you address it. We don’t have enough time to learn from our own mistakes and stories, but we can learn from other people’s stories, so go ahead and share your tips on how to deal with disrespect in s relationship.