You miss him so much, everything you do reminds you of me. From the movies you watch to the songs you listen to, to smelling his perfume on every guy you walk past.
Each time your phone rings you wish it was him and the more you think about the relationship, the temptation to text him becomes stronger.
The romantic Christmas movies and chick flicks you watch are not helping either because you remember your love story that once was and could have been.
The dating game is hard and very few people, if any, exit the game unscathed.
The rest of us carry the wounds of the love battlefield. From heart scars to pillows drenched in tears, the horror stories of heartbreak continue every day.
But now your ex is back in your life, or you want them back but don’t know how to get them back. Honestly, I agree it was a great relationship and that’s why you want to give it another try.
You just want another opportunity to sleep in his comfortable arms and to melt away under his soft kisses and warm hugs. Yearning for him to hold you close again and remind you that you are the girl of his dreams.
You just want him to whisper endless “I love you’ s” throughout the night and walk hand in hand in the street as you both enjoy each other’s company. Whenever you are with him, time seems to standstill.
You just want him to give you one more kiss that will melt all your pain and heartbreak away. You yearn for that kiss where everything around you ceases to exist and it’s just the two of you.
I get it, I am right there with you.
If I could get back with my ex yesterday, I would have done it already. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, it sounds cheesy but to this date, it is true. Talk about beauty (handsome) and brains. We were like two peas in a pond, joined together at the hip.
Although he is a mining engineer, and I am a geologist (geologists and mining engineers are sworn enemies) he always said to me “All mining engineers believe geologists are stupid and don’t like them, but I think you are the smartest geologist I have ever met”. Although cheesy he reassured me that he strongly believed it. We could talk about our careers, cars, work, families, friends, dreams, and everything in between.
I looked forward to all the weekends I spent with him, and I hated Monday morning when we had to say goodbye. He was the best, but things ended and goodness me it felt like the carpet was pulled under my feet.
Just like that, the guy I thought was so in love with me soo much that we would get married soon was in love with someone else. I remember the pain like it was yesterday.
I have never cried my eyeballs out like that. Honestly, I still cry even today, the breakup is still fresh. I doubt I will ever get over him.
So, I took some time to reflect, and I thought if my ex was to come back, would I take him back? Why or why not?
So, I will share a few important things to think about if you plan on getting back with your ex. Even if you are just wondering if it’s really over and if he misses you too. I wonder every day if he is happily married and if he even remotely remembers my existence.
Well, I guess I will never know, but today let’s talk about how to handle an ex coming back into your life or maybe you want your ex to come back. But before we do that let’s dive deeper into why you broke up.
Why did you break up?
This feels like pouring a bucket of cold water over your hopes and dreams. There was a specific reason why things ended and no matter how much you miss your partner you must remember the cause and catalyst.
This is because it’s likely that the situation that caused the breakup has not changed thus going back just means you will continue to get hurt and hurt each other. Try to avoid that.
My ex and I broke up because he had a baby with another woman, and I realized there was no future between him and me as he was going to marry the mother of his child and build a family with her.
This reality is hard for me to process but I knew that there was no way I would get my happily ever after.
So, I opted to walk away. Going back to him will not change these facts and this situation.
So, it doesn’t help to wish he comes back.
Your situation might be different. Maybe you broke up over a misunderstanding you guys had that can be easily ironed out through coffee. Maybe one or both of you cheated but now want to try again and you pledge to be faithful.
Take time to remember why you broke up. This might be difficult as you will be forced to remember the worst day or period of your life. You probably said and did some nasty things.
To put it bluntly, it was not your best moment in life.
Help me I want to get back with my ex
If you want to get back with your ex and are not sure where to start, these steps on how to handle an ex coming back into your life will be the best thing you have ever done. I am sure that it will get the ball rolling and hopefully, I will get the wedding invite soon!
1. Why do you want to get back with your ex?
We all know that relationships end and it’s very easy for the whole thing to blow up in your face and leave you devastated. These emotions can bring up a different character than you could ever imagine.
That is why you must ask yourself this important question: Why do you want to get back with your ex? There are many answers to this question and after answering it honestly, it might give you a clear sign with regards to getting your partner back.
This list is not exhaustive. Explore any possible reasons and decide if they are the best reasons for getting into a relationship.
- Are you bored and want a relationship?
- Are you seeking revenge?
- Are you guilty because you are the reason things ended?
- Are you scared of being alone, why?
- Can you not picture a life without your partner, why?
- Are you in denial that things have ended?
- Did you really love him and believed you have a future together?
- Is there pressure from friends, family members, or colleagues for you to fix things?
- Is your life in danger?
- Are trying to survive (if your partner was your main source of income and stability)?
Answer these honestly and you will be able to understand how to handle an ex coming back into your life.
2. Self-introspect
Think about your past relationship in its entirety. Write down the good and the bad memories or things that made your relationship what it was.
Have an honest conversation with yourself.
The best way to do self-introspection is to write it down. Take the time to sit down with a hot cup of coffee and be serious.
Avoid alcohol as it is likely to influence your thoughts in the wrong direction.
Just one more thing with us ladies, try to not do this self-introspection immediately before or during your monthly cycle. Your hormones are raging at this stage and while you might think you miss your old flame it may be that you are just dealing with hormones.
It’s a good idea to start by reflecting on the good things.
Think about this: what was your part in making your former partner happy? What are the things you did that brought a smile to his face?
What things are you sure that you did them exceptionally well and even though you are not together anymore your partner misses those things about you?
Ask yourself what aspects of your relationship made it a healthy relationship?
This exercise will make you miss him even more.
But this is not all, you need to look at the bad things that happened as well.
It might be the first time that you actually have to honestly acknowledge the part you played in the bad things that happened in your relationship. You might not have anything to do with the thing that made you break up but surely there were moments where you hurt your partner and they gave you second chance.
Reflect on the past relationship in full.
What things did you do that made him angry? What habits did you have that made him want to squeeze the life out of you, but he didn’t because he loved you that much?
What were the red flags of your relationship?
What deal breakers did you ignore during your long-term relationship with your partner?
This reflection on your past relationship will put things into perspective for you. When we miss our former flame, we want our ex back immediately and forget all the bad things only for them to come back a week later.
Although it’s too early to decide at this point you can already think about whether you want to go back or if you are happily single.
Introspection is the second step in this guide on how to handle an ex coming back into your life.
3. Self-improvement
Now that you have reflected on the good, the bad, and the ugly it’s time to put that knowledge to good use. You cannot spend so much time reflecting and not do anything about it, then it’s useless.
Let’s start with the list of the good things that you brought to the relationship. Yes, they made him smile and made him happy but what can you do to improve on them?
If he enjoyed your food, what new recipes can you learn that you will try to win him over when you invite him over? Remember the aim is to do anything to win him over.
You can indeed cook your way to a man’s heart. Use social media platforms like Pinterest to find new recipes.
My ex enjoyed the little notes I put on his work lunch pack to remind him that I love him and that he is the best. Although he didn’t say it during the relationship, he did mention it once when we tried getting back together.
If you both enjoyed going on holidays and vacations together start looking for vacation deals and holiday destinations for you to go to when you get back together. Plan as if you and your ex are back together.
It’s called faith.
If you want this plan to work, you have to put in the actions to back up your heart’s deepest desires.
Now let’s move over to the bad.
Here I need you to fully focus. You need to be willing to change such that when you win his heart back again, he thinks you are a new person.
This change in behavior, speech, and personality will give your partner all the right reasons to want to take you back. It will feel like a new relationship altogether because you have changed.
If you were loud, annoying, quarrelsome, nagging, impatient, and disrespectful then you have a lot to work on. Understand why you behaved the way you did without blaming anyone else but yourself.
It is hard but the only person responsible for their own behavior and reactions is you. See a therapist if you must and get counseling for any childhood and adult traumas you have not dealt with. This is the best way to prepare yourself for getting your ex back.
He needs to see the difference between whom he was dating and who you are now after self-reflection and self-improvement.
If your cooking was horrible, get cooking classes and cook him a meal to die for. If you never cared about your dress code, work on it. First impressions do work even if it’s the second time around.
Give him a good reason to drool over you and fall hopelessly in love with you again.
Just don’t try to wear heels if you are clumsy and likely to embarrass yourself. We do want to win him over not to chase him away.
If you struggled with honesty and being faithful. See a professional to try and understand why you behave like this. Decide to be faithful and honest. If you struggled with giving your partner and your relationship attention because of other commitments like work and hobbies, how can you improve this?
Can you organize your life better, and could you maybe not spend every weekend with the girls or guys but dedicate some time to your partner?
Did you struggle with intimacy and displaying your affection? How can you improve on this?
The aim is to be a better partner and lover.
If you have to learn pole dancing, go ahead and do it! The rewards will be worth it.
Think about what your contribution was to the fallout and ultimately the breakup. Did you say or do things you should not have said? Unfortunately, words cannot be unsaid. But this review will help you work on yourself.
I have the utmost hope that you know what areas to improve in and you are working on them.
4. Be confident in your uniqueness
Yes, I speak of improvement and doing everything to change but this is also a good time for me to remind you not to lose your individuality in trying to impress someone and win them over.
Over and above being a partner, you are your own person with your own personality, character, and style that make you an amazing person.
Do not change that.
If your dress code makes you happy and comfortable there is no reason to go for a full makeover. Change aspects of your character that will benefit you in the long run whether you are in a relationship or not.
For example, practicing being a patient and loving, and an attentive person is a great skill that you can use in your day-to-day life to be a better person. If you struggle with communication, it’s good practice to learn how to communicate ideas, feelings, and emotions better. This skill is useful at work and with friends.
If you realize that you have nothing to lose, then maybe you are both better off apart.
Someone will love you with your sweatpants and messy hair. Someone will love your creativity and loud personality.
Do not feel the need to water down who you are to fit into an uncomfortable mold.
Being confident is the key to how to handle an ex coming back into your life. Don’t dim your light to help your ex feel comfortable.
5. Take care of yourself.
When in the pursuit of getting back into a romantic relationship, the last thing you want is to lose yourself. Take care of yourself physically but most importantly look after your mental health.
Being an ex-girlfriend and or an ex-boyfriend can be challenging mentally and that is why most people find it difficult to open a new chapter. After a breakup, you feel stressed, sad, restless, and hardly sleep because of the physical pain you feel.
It is at this point that you have to decide to take care of yourself.
Try to eat healthily and exercise. I say try because I know it’s hard and most days you won’t want to get out of bed, but you have to push yourself. You will not get your ex back while mopping and grieving over your former relationship.
Put in the hard work to do things that make you happy.
The good news is you can still live a fulfilled and happy life outside of a love life.
While you wait for a fresh start from an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, do not idle, continue living. Enjoy time with your family members and your best friend. These people may have your best interest at heart and will provide a welcomed distraction from the pain.
A rebound relationship will not help you get your ex back. There is a good chance that if you date someone else you might never get your ex back.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes dating someone else might turn out better than you think.
It’s a matter of deciding whether you will pursue your ex or pursue a fresh start that could be a good start.
This guide on how to handle an ex coming back into your life or pursuing your ex puts your well-being first.
6. What are you going to do differently?
The last time I saw my ex I kicked him out of my apartment. I cringe when I think about it, I wish I could take it back. When we broke up, I told him that it hurts me to see him building what should have been our life with someone else.
I hated it when he answered her phone calls and they spoke in front of me.
So, when she called that day and he answered I opened the door and told him to go continue his conversation outside.
He was appalled and he looked at me with both disbelief and hate.
My ex argued he wanted to find out how his child was doing but that didn’t matter to me then, I didn’t want to hear about his other perfect family.
I was rude and I know it. I could have handled the situation better by sitting down and talking to him like an adult and finding an amicable solution.
If I got my ex back, I cannot undo that, but I have a great idea of what I will do differently to make a successful relationship.
The only way to do things differently is to look at past mistakes and life experiences and see how you can improve on them.
How to handle an ex coming back into your life
It is possible that you have not considered getting your ex back, but your ex is somehow back in the picture and has expressed to you that he would want you to be his life partner.
Suddenly, your ex has realized you are the best thing that happened to him, and he wants to pursue a serious relationship.
What should you do?
1. Examine the why
Ask your ex to explain why he has had a change of heart and wants to fix things. Do not be deceived by all the charms he will put into place. Think with your head, not your feelings.
Because you both once shared a strong bond, it’s easy to believe anything he says and jump at the thought of going back.
But I challenge you to take a step back and take a good look at him and the situation. The dating game can be rough and if you are naïve, you will get hurt again and again.
This is an important step when thinking about how to handle an ex coming back into your life.
2. If unsure, opt for a trial period
If you are not convinced that your ex has changed, and he now presents the best version of himself then ask for a trial period. See if indeed he has changed and if things will work out.
Do not be pressured to answer today. Take time to think things through. It could be that trust has been broken and this will not be rebuilt overnight. It is a good thing to take time to heal after a break up.
A lot of people jump back with their former lover even if they are not in a good place mentally or spiritually. They start what they think will be a happy relationship based on a lack of trust.
And then they break up again and so the vicious cycle of pain and heartbreak starts again.
If you are dealing with a high school crush then rather use this guide.
3. Where is your life going?
Dating this person might have made sense in the last relationship, but now you have grown and are a different person.
Do you still want to be in a relationship at all and are you still pursuing marriage? Does a serious relationship still align with your values and life goals or has that ship sailed?
Are you focused on other things? Or perhaps he is not your type anymore?
Assess your own needs and decide if getting back with your ex is the best option for you.
Perhaps you are now living in a new city with different people, and you would like to explore that without being dragged into the past.
Maybe, for now, you can just be friends, no hard feelings.
The bottom line is to explore all your options in full, with no pressure, and take your time.
Be selfish, put yourself first.
Decision 1: Yes, let’s try again!
If after examining things your final decision is to get back with your partner, then give it your best effort. Be ready to change. Rebuilding this relationship will require a lot of work from both of you. But I know that you can do it.
Talking about how you hurt each other and how to improve on it is a good sign that your relationship will be better than the last time. Taking a closer look at your goals as individuals and as a couple will help you understand and support each other better.
Iron out any major issue you might have. Don’t sweep things under the carpet.
If you have taken this decision, it means that you are ready to open a new chapter with your ex. This is a new chapter of a new book. Use all the steps we discussed on how to handle an ex coming back into your life.
This is how to handle an ex coming back into your life if you want to try again. I am rotting for you.
Decision 2: No thanks, I don’t want to try again: don’t be rude about it
If you realize that yes, it’s tempting to get back with your ex, but you believe it’s better that stay single or date a different person then let your ex know.
Don’t string them along because you are enjoying the attention.
Let them know what your final decision is and kindly part ways on good terms. If they keep sending ex drunk-texts, then set boundaries. Initiate a no contact rule and keep it that way. This is one of the best and most effective ways on how to handle an ex coming back into your life.
Final thoughts
Whether you want an ex to come back or you are working on getting your ex back don’t forget to love yourself and take care of yourself. In this period of being single, go on nice solo dates following this guide and find happiness alone using this guide.
The truth is whether you are happy or sad, single, or happily in love you need to still focus on living your best life.
How to handle an ex coming back in your life should not be the sole priority and purpose of your life.
