Ever had a bad rush that won’t go away or perhaps an itching throat that just seems to persist? Well, that’s how a dramatic ex-partner can feel like. If they are not bombarding your phone with messages, they are calling you day and night. They seem to be everywhere you go and now you are just tired.
You are fed up and want this to end, today!
I get you; you can never have a good time in life if your ex is still around causing drama. Your new home is not a safe place because your ex keeps popping by unannounced so that behavior has to stop.
Here are great tips to help you get out of this difficult situation. These tips on how to deal with ex-wife drama will help you give the best response without creating a vicious cycle of ex-wife drama in your life. You will deal with this situation once and for all and never have to deal with a similar situation in your life ever again.
The good news is that you are in control. Life is not happening to you, but you are happening to life. The sole purpose of this piece is to help you live a better life that is more peaceful.
How to deal with ex-wife drama
I know you feel like you have tried everything, but nothing has worked, just hear me out for a minute.
1. Uncover the why
Human beings are interesting because they are different. No matter how much we try to understand and analyze them they never seize to surprise us. With that in mind, it’s important that you try to understand why your ex-wife is causing drama.
Although on the surface it looks like drama, something deeper is likely going on.
You might be wondering why it is your responsibility to find the why because this person is in your past.
Well, because if you don’t understand the why you will not know how to remedy the situation.
We automatically assume that ex-wife drama comes from a bitter ex. Although this may be true, it could be that your ex is struggling to accept the divorce. Or perhaps they are just looking for a way to release frustrations. Some exes are looking to destroy you because they feel like you cannot be happy in a new relationship with a new partner while they are miserable and hurting.
This last group is the most dangerous as they will stop at nothing until they destroy you and you must find a way to stop it.
Some exes are seeking revenge. They could be feeling that you have treated them unfairly or that they didn’t deserve the divorce. Perhaps your former spouse is carrying feelings of betrayal as they didn’t think things will end up this way.
The point is you have to know why there is ex-wife drama in your life.
Sometimes men think a wife is causing drama when all she wants is child support for her children. She could be continuously calling you to pressure you to do the right thing, but you are ignoring her. Or maybe she just wants you to still be a father to your kids by spending time with them and being there for them emotionally.
Find the root cause of the drama and if it is within your power to deal with these issues, it will be in your best interest to please do so.
The best way to know and understand the why is to ask the dramatic partner.
This is the first thing to do when looking at how to deal with ex-wife drama.
2. Understand where your ex is coming from
Even if your ex was an angel and the most caring person on the planet, you must understand that life-changing situations like divorce and breakup can change or affect a person’s character and behavior.
You cannot expect that the sweet and caring partner you had will continue to be that kind of person after you break up.
Your ex-partner is hurt, and their world has been shattered so they are doing their best to make sense of the situation. The first stage of dealing with traumatic situations like divorce could be denial and guilt. And because of these feelings and emotions, they will act out of character and bring drama into your life.
Try and understand their position.
Be sympathetic.
Although you might not be able to be there for them, you can give them a break.
Hear me out, I am not saying allow them to cause drama in your life, but I am saying that drama could be coming from a place of hurt, pain, jealousy, guilt, and potentially regret.
3. You are both adults, talk about it
Because of the messy nature of divorce, it could be that the last person you want to talk to is your dramatic ex-wife or partner. That could explain why you are ignoring their phone calls and text messages.
But at some point, you have to put on your big boy or big girl pants and deal with the situation head-on.
Bite the bullet and reach out.
You were once lovers and partners who had a good relationship and cared deeply for each other. There is no way that all that love and care will disappear overnight.
Reach out to communicate with the intention to resolve things. The important thing to remember is that things will not be fixed miraculously you need to put in some effort.
There is a lot that the two of you need to talk about.
Choose a nice, relaxed environment to meet and iron out any issues. Don’t be defensive or disrespectful. If your ex-partner is disrespectful then please use these guidelines to avoid an explosive situation.
Talking about things is the fastest way to handle the ex-wife’s drama but it will take a long time before the situation is completely resolved.
If there are any burning questions or issues you would like to ask and address respectively like child custody and child support, then you can write them down. During the meeting, you can refer to notes you made and make sure that you have covered everything.
This meeting doesn’t have to happen every weekend, it’s just to iron out the drama and find ways to stop it. Your new girlfriend doesn’t have to be part of this meeting as it might aggravate your ex.
You are both adults and I am sure you are capable of having a civil conversation without screaming and shouting.
4. Be calm and have a clear head
Some people know exactly what buttons to press to get the worst out of you!
And your ex is definitely one of those people.
Why? You ask.
Because this person was once the love of your life. They know everything about you from what makes you laugh and smile to what annoys you and irritates you.
This information was useful when you were still together because they used it to nurture your relationship, but right now they will be using this information against you.
Therefore, it is important to have a clear head and to keep calm. No matter how many or how hard your ex pushes your button to get a reaction from you, do not budge.
Handle the situation with so much professionalism as if you are handling a delicate situation at work.
It could be that your ex-partner uses words or phrases that they know will trigger a reaction. Or perhaps they do things that they know you cannot stand. No matter how difficult it is to not react you have to keep calm.
Remember that you are dealing with a potentially volatile situation and an extremely sensitive person (even if they might say they are not)
5. Do not stoop down to their level
When you are learning how to deal with ex-wife drama, you mustn’t stoop to your ex-partner’s petty standards. Dramatic people have a way of spreading their toxic tendencies to other people, don’t be affected.
If they scream, insult, and swear at you do not retaliate.
As the old saying goes, kill them with kindness and a smile.
It is the best thing you can do for yourself and to have peace in your own life. Dramatic people always look to get a response else their drama is useless, so don’t become a victim.
You are a bigger and better person, and you can be better. Some people tend to mistreat you and when you mistreat them then they turn around and pretend to be victims and you are blamed as the bad guy.
Not stooping to their level means if your ex-wife still comes to your family events because she came with the kids you will be civil with her. Even if she throws jabs and shade your way you will peacefully walk away and not throw shade back.
When you stoop down to your ex’s level you are basically pouring petrol on the fire, and you don’t need me to tell you what that means.
Don’t be that family member who becomes the center of attention at your next family barbecue because they cannot be civil with their ex.
If you feel you cannot control yourself when your ex is around then the best thing you can do is to stay away from your ex.
6. Cut the umbilical cord
This one is hard.
When you were married you were like Bonnie and Clyde, pen and paper or key and lock.
Essentially you were intertwined and lived one life although you were two different people. This means that your ex was fully dependent on you, and you were fully dependent on them.
So, what happens when the one person who was your everything and supplied everything is no longer available? It feels like your source of life and support is not there and you don’t know how to live anymore. This can cause frustration which can materialize as ex-wife drama.
Your partner could suddenly become clingy because you were there for them all the time but now you are not.
This is a big adjustment.
It is here where we talk about cutting the umbilical cord. Just like when the umbilical cord is cut during birth to remove the feeding link between mother and child you might also do the same thing. Once the umbilical cord is cut, the child does not die, it learns to find new ways to survive and source food until they are a full-grown independent adult.
If the umbilical cord is not cut the child will always feed off the mother and they never become their own person.
That same concept applies after a breakup or divorce.
Cut your ex off.
Wean them off that financial, emotional, and physical dependence that they had on you. Yes, they will kick and scream hence the drama, but that process has to happen.
Your ex needs to understand that you are no longer in their life, and you have them to respect it. They need to find someone else to replace the light or fan. They need to find someone else to unblock the sink or mow the lawn.
These are obvious things, but they do need to be communicated and enforced especially if you are dealing with a manipulative ex-wife who keeps calling you on a daily basis in tears asking for help because either their roof is leaking, or the geyser burst, or they are not feeling well.
Your ex-wife needs to keep the plumber’s number on speed dial and the hospital number on speed dial as well. They should learn to pay for these services since you are not around anymore.
Because you care about your ex it will be a difficult thing to enforce this, but if you want to live a happy life with peace of mind you must do this. Also, it will give your new partner peace of mind too.
There is one exception to this rule. This is if the situation affects your kids. Then you are allowed to intervene and quickly help. But do make this clear. You don’t have to be the bad guy, you can help her change the tire if you see her stranded on the side of the road on a chilly winter morning.
7. When the going gets tough, get legal and or counseling
If all else fails, get the big guns. A dramatic ex-partner could be an unstable person. In a perfect world, there should be peace and no drama after a divorce, but this is rare.
So, if it becomes bad you must get legal advice. The legal fees could be a bit expensive but are worth it if you want to live a peaceful life, especially if your ex-wife is making your life a living hell.
Involving a third party is a good way to find a mediator between the two of you.
You could pursue legal advice about joint custody or get a court order to keep your dramatic ex away from you. Because you are dealing with a tricky situation and you are not an expert in family law, you need someone to represent you legally and advise you on what to do especially if your children are involved.
Do not go to court to spite your ex but go there to find a solution.
Talk to a therapist.
Although going to court about custody is a great thing, you both still need to see a therapist to talk about the separation and the drama. You don’t have to go there together but you can each go individually.
Sometimes the ex-wife drama comes because there are unresolved issues emotionally that need to be addressed. Such things should not be ignored because they won’t heal over time.
See a trained professional who will help you navigate this new life that you are going to live as a divorced person. It could be that after talking about the divorce and how it makes both of you feel that you both decide to be good friends. That would be a great outcome that will get rid of the drama.
If you have never been to therapy this could be a difficult thing for you as it requires you to get out of your comfort zone, but it is definitely worth it.
The main thing is to resolve the drama by any means necessary.
8. Keep the children out of it
I cannot stress this enough, please leave the kids out of this drama.
Do not expose your kids to the drama that your ex is causing. They do not deserve it.
Also do not use kids to fight your battles for you.
Don’t poison kids against their father or mother because of all the drama going on. As adults, strife to resolve your own issues independently. Put in the hard work to sort things out.
Kids do not forget so if you poison them against the one parent because of the hurt and pain you are feeling they will carry those emotions all their lives and we don’t want that.
There is always a better way to deal with drama without involving the kids. Even if they are adult children do not get them tangled in this web of disaster that the two of you are dealing with.
Even if your ex-wife says or does bad things that hurt you a lot, do not tell the kids about it to seek sympathy, no, deal with adult issues as adults without kids.
9. Set Boundaries
Whether you are dealing with a toxic ex-wife, boyfriend’s ex-wife, difficult ex-spouse, spouse’s ex, or a crazy ex-wife you have to ultimately set boundaries. Setting a boundary around you is the right way to deal with toxic people. Keep them away from you, your friends, family, or any new romantic relationship you may have.
Boundaries mean that your ex does not have immediate direct access to you just for fun.
Boundaries allow co-parenting to be successful and peaceful. It allows you to deal with extreme cases especially if you are dealing with a control freak.
Be firm with setting healthy boundaries and communicate them.
This tip on how to deal with ex-wife drama will ensure your space is protected in the future too.
10. The end goal is to create peace (where possible)
When you are dealing with a toxic ex-wife, do not be vengeful. Your first goal should be to create peace especially if your own children are involved.
If you have no intention of fixing things in your previous marriage or relationship, at least be willing to be civil with each other. Do not harbor any negative feelings towards your ex even if they are dramatic.
Remember that harboring negative feelings will weigh you down and prevent you from having a happy family life in the future.
Even when you sit down to find a way forward always look to find an amicable solution that will suit both sides. If your ex-partner is being unreasonable and they know it, be the bigger person and compromise.
Sometimes even go as far as to back down and let them get their way. This is the easiest way to show your ex-partner that you want peace and that you will do anything to ensure that you both don’t hurt each other. There may be a lot of things that your ex does that you don’t agree with, but you will have to let go of it in favor of peace.
Note that I say ‘where possible’ because I know that some people are just impossible to deal with.
No matter how much you try, they never want to create peace and will do anything to cause chaos. That’s where boundaries and legal counsel come in.
Although the legal route will be ugly and the last resort, it is likely that you will have to do it as an efficient solution on how to deal with ex-wife drama
11. Head in the sand is not the solution (ignorance is not bliss)
One thing you should never do is be idle. Don’t bury your head in the sand and hope that your ex will miraculously stop being dramatic.
It won’t happen.
You need to actively deal with the drama caused by your ex-wife. The good news is that it is only when you intentionally address this that you have a chance of mediating the situation.
If you do not feel motivated to deal with the situation, just remember that your younger children, your entire family, and other significant people in your life will pay for it because your ex will continue to haunt and bother them and you.
Use these tips on how to deal with ex-wife drama to address the situation.
12. Forgive and let it go
After you have dealt with an ex, you are willing to put all this drama behind you. Part of that is forgiving your ex-partner. Forgive the behavior and the person who showed that behavior. It will help you to heal and move on and have healthy relationships going forward.
You have been through a difficult situation, and you need to acknowledge it.
Life is not easy, and it was not meant to be.
Don’t let this situation change your character and loving nature.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with an ex-wife might feel like a full-time job because this person is everywhere you go. They are everywhere and you cannot see to shake them off.
But if you use these simple tips on how to deal with ex-wife drama, these tips could be the lifeline that you have been looking for. Try them one at a time and you will see a difference in your life.
If there are other things that you have done concerning how to deal with ex-wife drama, please share them in the comments section.
These do not only apply to the ex-wife, but they also apply to any other ex or friends who are no longer in your life but continuously cause drama.
