So, you are finally ready to get back into the dating pool. It’s a big scary pool but for us who believe in the power of love and fairytales, we are brave enough to open the door and deep our toes in.
Going on a date(s) is not easy but it’s fun. It does not matter how many dates you go on with different people, the first date is always nerve-wracking.
Let’s talk about why you are so nervous about your first date. From there we will talk about some tips on how to get over first date nerves.
Find out if having an awkward first date is normal and if you can kiss after a first date (I know you want to know if it’s acceptable or not).
I can guarantee you will love all these tips and you will have a successful date
Why am I so nervous about the first date?
You are so nervous because you want the date to go well. You are worried about whether you will make the right first impressions or not and you are concerned about the outcome of the date.
Thirdly, you are also nervous that the conversation might not flow and you might not even like this person enough to want to build a romantic relationship with them.
You could also be nervous about what you will wear, how you will get to the date and of course your safety. This is why these pointers on how to get over first date nerves will help to reduce the nerves and help you relax.
How to get over first date nerves
1. Focus on the positive.
There are many positive aspects to going on a first date. So instead of focusing on the nerves rather look at the bright side. Dating is a great way to meet new people. Although any of these people may not end up being your spouse, they are still great connections.
You could use this as an opportunity to gain a new friend and build other connections that could be beneficial in the future. I mean, what is the best way to meet new people besides going out?
Even if you go on a series of bad dates you can choose to focus on the positive.
Another positive is focusing on the experience and environment rather than the person on the date. Focus on enjoying the food and the ambiance of the environment.
If you have the opportunity to choose the location of the date or the activities to be done, then I suggest you choose restaurants you have always wanted to visit. Choose to do activities you have always wanted to do.
At least if you and the potential date do not hit it off you will have enjoyed the best restaurant with impressive food. Or you would have enjoyed the activity you have always dreamed of doing.
2. If you don’t plan, you plan to fail
The dating game can be fun as long as you are in control, and you can be in control by planning and preparing every detail. The fact that you are meeting a new potential partner means you have to plan as much of this date as you can.
Plan to make a good impression. It’s only when you plan that you reduce much pressure on yourself. Make sure you have plenty of time to prepare and do not be in rush. Don’t push this date to the back of your mind because you are nervous rather focus on being prepared, even with the little details.
Preparation reduces the fear of the unknown.
Especially if you met this date via online dating you need to prepare and above all ensure your security (I will talk about security tips later on)
During preparation do not only focus on the outward experience. Also, focus on your mind and your thoughts. Focus on reducing the unrealistic expectations that you may have about the date.
It’s like going to a job interview. You have to prepare the right attire and also prepare yourself for the potential questions that you can be asked, and the ones you would like to ask. Remember that you are both trying to find out if you are a good fit for each other.
Here are the two things to prepare:
Dress to kill
Whether you are meeting in a distinct restaurant on the rooftop or you are going skiing, my dating advice is to always be well-dressed.
The first impression definitely counts, and more often than not first impressions decide how well the date may go. You want the first sight that your date takes to be breathtaking. Even if it’s an online date, always look like a million dollars.
If you are going to be in a public place, make sure you are the best dressed. Turn heads with that stiletto and dress or suit.
Turning heads as you enter the restaurant is not a bad thing, it will boost your confidence. Remember that when you look good, you feel good. When you feel good you are confident and powerful and in control of the date.
You will be able to engage in meaningful conversations and give the date your best shot.
Your potential date will also be proud and happy to be walking or sitting next to such a breathtaking potential partner. Wear clothes that highlight your best assets or body features.
If you have been working hard to have a flat stomach show it off.
Maybe you have great legs show them off. If your eyes are mesmerizing, then apply some eye shadow and mascara to highlight them so that when you make eye contact your potential partner is weak at the knees.
Speaking of dressing up, I want to emphasize that you need to dress comfortably. Yes, the date may be a couple of hours, but it can feel like a couple of years if you are dressed uncomfortably.
You will not give your potential partner the attention they need on a potential date because all you are looking forward to is taking off the shoes or dress or suit.
Smell Amazing
I am not a relationship expert, but I know that people always remember meeting people who smell good unless they have sinuses.
That’s why it’s important to put on your best sweet-smelling fragrance. Wear your favorite scent so that your date remembers you with it.
Remember that these two areas are the key on how to get over first date nerves. They help you be prepared.
3. Get your squad to help you get ready
The one mistake that most people do is to try and prepare for their big first date on their own. Just the thought of a first day can trigger anxiety disorders so it’s important that you have your a-squad with you to help you prepare.
Get your girlfriends together or the guys and have them help you choose your attire and fragrance. If you have really great friends, get them to even drive you to the date. Instead of stressing alone about preparation have your friends stress with you.
Your friends know what the best version of you is that you need to present so they can coach you.
Meeting this new person is a big deal so you need to share that experience with those closest to you. I am sure that your friends are the only people who can prepare you to make a good first impression.
This is the third step on how to get over first date nerves
4. Turn your location on and send it to close friends and family
This is one of the most important things that you need to do before you step out of the door and go on that date. Let your close family member or friends know where you are always until the date is over.
If you are really scared or concerned about your safety, then have one of your friends sit in the restaurant at a different table and be your guard. Going on a first date to meet a new person is scary so do not feel that you are abnormal. If you have your best friend in the room with you are likely to feel comfortable.
It is also a good idea to use a code word to hint that you are in danger and have your friends or a family member you trust come to your rescue.
You are welcome to also let waiters and the receptionist know of the code word so they can protect you. This sounds extreme but you must be prepared. Little preparation is like no preparation.
5. Get your cue cards ready
Holding a good conversation is hard, especially when you are nervous.
Sometimes it can be as difficult as pulling hair, that’s why it’s important to prepare cue cards. Memorize your conversation starters. But do not just make conversation for the sake of having a conversation but rather ask questions you really want answers to.
Using cue cards means you have one less thing to worry about in terms of what you will say and whether you will say the right things.
When thinking about effective ways to use cue cards, think about what the most important things for you are to know about this person. For example, do they have a criminal record or a bad credit score?
Decide what are the little things and what are the big things worth talking about on a date and add them to your cue cards.
6. Ladies don’t forget your wallet.
This one here is for the ladies.
Yes, it’s a date and we assume that means he will cover all the cost. The way things have changed these days you need to make sure that you can financially cover the cost of the date in case the person you are on a date with does not want to pay.
You honestly do not want to be washing dishes with all the shining manicures because you cannot afford to pay for the meal you ate.
You do not only want to have bank cards in your wallet you also need to carry cash. The point here is to have a backup of a backup.
This habit that we ladies have of leaving wallets at home and trusting that he will pay is not feasible. Honestly, we need to do better and not have to worry if a guy will pay or not pay at the end of the date. I am not saying offer to pay for anything but carry your wallet.
Girl, grab your wallet and your purse and have an amazing date.
7. Breathe, your whole life does not rest on this
To have less pressure on your date, remind yourself that you are not being forced to marry this person after the date.
So, relax.
Dates are supposed to be fun so focus on enjoying them. Take deep breaths when you feel like you are starting to panic and becoming anxious.
This step on how to get over first date nerves is mostly for the over thinkers like me. Do your best to not overthink everything. If anything, you may have to go through multiple first dates before you find your perfect match so do not stress over this one date.
For those who feel their biological clock ticking, remember to breathe as well.
Yes, you thought by now you would be happily married with kids and a dog but now life has not granted you that. So do not be desperate and start to think that you are a failure because you are single.
Life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. Just enjoy who and what you are today.
8. Remember your date (potential partner) is just as nervous as you
Sitting in your bubble, you could be thinking you have it worse, but I can almost guarantee you that the other person is also sweating and having a nervous breakdown like you.
While you and your trusted friend are choosing the best high heels to go with your favorite outfit your potential date is also doing his best to pick the best outfit. I can assure you that pre-date anxiety goes for both ends of the stick.
This is because, at the end of the day, we are all human beings who get nervous. You are both wishing to have a good date.
If anything, you are both wishing that this person that you are meeting is your perfect match and you both can be happy for the rest of your life.
Usually, social media sets high expectations for first dates for women, but guys also feel anxiety especially if they have to plan the perfect date.
These first date tips on how to get over first date nerves are going to help you calm down and breathe.
9. Pray for the date
Prayer is the best way to calm the nerves.
Ask God to come with you to the date and to guide you. Ask him to help you discern whether this person is the right one or not. If you ask God for help, he will give it to you.
Even if you just need help to pick an outfit and decide what to say, ask God. I know sometimes we think God is not interested in the little things that we do but he is.
If you involve him in your dating life, he will guide you all the way to marriage (if you want to get married).
Pray for God to protect you on this date.
Pray for calmness and peace of mind during the date. Also, pray that your emotions don’t get the better of you but rather that God’s voice is as clear as day to you during the date.
10. Meditation and breathing exercises
When you are nervous your heart is beating really fast and your knees are weak and it seems they cannot carry your body. That’s why you need to do meditation and breathing exercises to regulate your breathing.
Slowly count to ten as you wait for your date to arrive. Take long breaths in and long breaths out to make ensure the blood keeps flowing and that you never forget to breathe.
Another good idea is that just before hitting the shower before the date, take 30 minutes to do some relaxing yoga exercises.
This will also help with calming your mind and thoughts that could be all over the place before the date.
Is awkward on a first date normal?
Yes, definitely.
There are a lot of expectations and pressure that come with a first date. Just the thought of trying not to mess it up is enough to cause a ball of nerves.
When you are nervous your mind starts making funny scenarios that might not happen like what if I spill ketchup all over his white shirt?
Perhaps you are worried that you will not remember which hand to use for the fork and the knife. Maybe you are scared that you will shake so much that you will spill the glass of wine.
All this dating anxiety can make the first date very awkward.
Mostly because we are all trying to be our best selves. While we are all busy trying to impress each other it may lead to awkward silences and awkward conversations that we would rather not have on a normal day
But unfortunately, that is the package for the first dates.
Please don’t use your phone to try to avoid awkwardness. Be okay with the silence. It is perfectly normal for you to have nothing to say to someone you are meeting for the first time. And first date nerves add to all that awkwardness.
Be okay with silence, do not try to fill it with a pep talk. If you are a perfect match the conversation will flow. If anything, you are bound to lose track of time because both of you are over first-date nerves and are just enjoying yourself with great conversations.
Should you kiss on a first date?
Look, the introvert in me is shouting ‘No’, you should not be kissing strangers but the extrovert in me says ‘go for it”. I mean if the chemistry is there, and you are both feeling the vibe (and the moment is right) why not?
Yes, you have first-date anxiety but what is the worst-case scenario? The kiss might not go well.
Or hear me out, it may go so well and confirm the attraction that you both feel.
The truth is that body language is everything. Throughout the date, you can tell if the physical and sexual attraction is worth taking a step further into kissing.
Be positive, the kiss could bring fireworks and who knows, that kiss might be the key to melting your first date jitters. It could be the kiss that causes your heart rate to skyrocket.
But do not just kiss someone because you have not kissed anyone in a long time, do it because you want to.
The fact that you are asking this question means you are open to kissing on a first date, but if you are not, do not feel pressured to do so. Anyway, if things go so well that you want to take things further you will go on a second date and there you can share your first kiss.
Final Thoughts
These are great tips on how to get over first date nerves. Use them and you will thank me later.
I wish that you could go on many more dinner dates and that you have successful romantic relationships that make you smile.
If you plan to have a second date it is a good sign that things might work out.
You’ve got this, good luck.
