Growing up, at some point we all misbehaved and did things we should not have done. Some of the things we did are fortunately never going to be told and heard in public so lucky for us.
For me, there are secrets I am taking to the grave!
Mostly because if they were to see daylight I would die of embarrassment.
Most of my embarrassing moments could have been prevented had I stayed in the house where I should be and not sneaked out. But what is life without experiences?
Now as an adult I just want to tell teenagers that sneaking out is not worth it. But I also want to help you as a parent, guardian, sibling, or neighbor who is dealing with a teenager that has developed a habit of sneaking out.
Before we talk about how to handle teenagers sneaking out let’s quickly talk about any possible reasons why teenagers could be sneaking out. Understanding the why will help us on this journey on how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
Possible reasons why teenagers are sneaking out
FOMO
Teenagers do not like missing out on the latest trends and parties. That means they will try everything including sneaking out due to FOMO (Fear of missing out).
Although we are/ were all like that at a certain point in our lives, the best thing you can do here is to have a conversation about JOMO (Joy of missing out).
This means the next time they think of sneaking out due to FOMO they can opt for JOMO instead. Even if they receive a text message from friends pressuring them to come, they can turn off their problematic electronic device and sleep peacefully as they embrace JOMO.
Unfortunately, not only teenagers struggle with FOMO, but also adults. So, it will be easier to understand. However, it is something that needs to be addressed as a priority when we talk about how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
Peer pressure
Usually, the teenage stage is strongly coupled with peer pressure. This means even if teenagers do not want to sneak out, they may sneak out because everyone in their middle school, high school, or neighborhood is sneaking out.
This may be remedied by reminding the children that peer pressure is not the way to live life and they have to be independent thinkers. One way to deal with this is to put away electronics that are being used to pressurize them.
Let the kids know that if they allow pressure today in their teenage years they will always be controlled by others. Build a good relationship with your kids such that they can be open with you about any pressure they are receiving so you can help them.
Abuse
It could be that your teenager is being bullied or abused either in the house or outside and sneaking out is a side effect of that.
Maybe if they do not sneak out and join the latest party, they could be bullied at school the next day. This bullying could cause emotional and psychological damage to teenagers and cause them to behave out of character.
It could also be that a family member or someone close is abusing them and they sneak out for any amount of time to release this stress and pressure. This means that your child’s safety in the home is compromised and unless you talk with them, they will not be able to open up to you about what is really going on and what is causing the sneaking out.
If you deal with the root cause, then you have done it the right way.
Escaping reality
Sometimes teenagers sneak out because they are escaping the toxic environment in their own homes. This is their own way of handling situations beyond their control. So, before you try to understand how to handle teenagers sneaking out, look at the home environment.
Is it toxic for the kids? Are there shouting, screaming, and other toxic traits that kids are sneaking out to run away from?
If you understand that your teenagers are dealing with a lot in life and that life can be too much at times you will understand that your teenagers are also going through a lot. Having this perspective will help you as you figure out how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
How to handle teenagers sneaking out.
Now that we have discussed the possible reasons for sneaking out, let’s talk about how you can handle it.
1. You were once a teenager too.
It’s only once you have grown up that you realize that your bad behavior was uncalled for and had you just followed your parent’s advice you would have avoided a lot of trouble.
But during your teen years, you always thought you knew better, and you were smarter than your parents who were party poopers. Somehow you thought your parents had an ancient way of viewing life and as such the discipline they tried to instill upon you was like pouring water on a rock, futile.
This then resulted in your partaking in sneaking out behavior in the middle of the night.
Well, believe it or not, the kids you are raising now whether biological or not have the same kind of thinking. They have a mind of their own. They hold on strongly to their beliefs, thoughts, and emotions as if they are the ultimate gospel truth.
Nothing you say or do can change this reasoning.
So, before we talk about practical steps to get the sneaking out under control you have to remember that you were a teenager once upon a time that gave your parents a headache.
You might be thinking that the world has evolved so much and it’s much scarier and more dangerous. And yes, you are right. That’s why you need to have an open and honest conversation with children and be willing to do everything possible to keep the kids safe but still enjoy their childhood.
Also, because you have been through the tough teenage years you understand. Take this understanding and let it guide you on how to handle teenagers sneakers out
2. Speak to your teenagers like adults
The mistake most parents or guardians do when trying to stop children from sneaking out is that they enforce harsh measures like changing alarm codes so that kids cannot sneak out. Another unfruitful way would be to instill a tracking device and then follow the kids and haul them back home.
Although these measures temporarily yield good results, they are not effective in the long term.
This is because they are passive ways to help your children.
You have to talk to your teenagers as if they are adults. When you treat teenagers like the kids that they are they tend to rebel as they think they are adults.
If you treat and talk to them like adults, they will respond with the respect.
Sit them down and talk about their sneaking-out behavior. Find out why they are sneaking out. Ask them questions about this behavior so you can understand why they are behaving like this.
Discuss the house rules you have set and talk about how they feel about these rules.
Having better communication is always one of the best ways to get your point across to anyone including teenagers. I have found that teenagers respond better if they feel that they have a say in what happens in their lives and their home environment.
Discuss what they would consider fair and clear rules and which ones they feel are ridiculous.
Give them explanations of why those rules are important to you and for them. You will not always agree on everything, but the key is to find common ground.
One example of a reasonable rule is that you could both agree to have a later curfew but then you always agree to fetch them from wherever they are. This means you address all safety issues and concerns you have. Do your best to find common ground.
3. Sometimes the only way to learn is to do
Being a parent of a teen means knowing that kids learn by doing. Whether it’s a teenage son or older daughter they will want to do things that they know you will not want them to do.
It is the nature of young people.
This includes but is not limited to sneaking out of the house during the late night hours. They could sneak out and go to a friend’s house to try various experiments. It could be makeup, watching adult movies, cooking meth, eating something new, or even just making Tik Tok videos and many more. The list goes on.
Point is that teenagers need to feel that you are not trying to stop them from having fun or enjoying their teenage years. They need to enjoy growing up within a safe space.
Allow your kids the freedom to learn and try new things but not on their own and not at night. Be open to trying things with your kids so that they don’t go about trying them on their own in dangerous areas.
Have this conversation with your teens.
Talk about the related consequences of the different kinds of drugs, alcohol, parties, sex, pranks, and breaking the law. Remind them whatever is done in secret always comes to light and it’s likely to haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Whatever seems like a simple decision may have permanent consequences that go a long way.
Whether you are talking to your old daughter or teen boys, talk about everything. Do not only talk about the related consequence of having unprotected sex with your daughter but also with your son.
The more you always talk and communicate about sneaking out and the possible negative consequences you consistently build a better relationship. You open up the critical communication channel between you and your teenagers that will prevent further sneaking out.
This is the third and most important part of how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
4. Curiosity killed the cat conversation
Kids and teenagers are experimental and curious human beings by nature.
We all are.
That means the more you tell them not to do something, the more they want to do it or go out and try it. Even if you show them the effects and results of a certain behavior on someone else, they would still like to experience it for themselves.
Although curiosity is good and is needed to explore our boundaries, interests, hobbies, skills, and talents it can also be dangerous.
With social media more prevalent today than yesterday teenagers are exposed to many different kinds of lifestyles that they want to try.
However, it is at this point that you would want to tell your teenage girls and old son that not everything that you try will end in a good way. Sometimes curiosity can end with addiction such as with drug abuse or other chemical substances.
Sometimes it can even be fatal.
Therefore, if you want to try everything be aware of the dangers. Some people never recover from this. You are not trying to scare them, but you are presenting facts that they need to be aware of.
This is because the things that teenagers share on their cell phones never show the side effects of these cool trends. The life we see on social media today is mostly fake as it tries to lure unknowing teenagers into a dark world.
Due to curiosity, teenagers want to try everything. Remind kids that curiosity has killed the cat before and it will kill it again.
Not everything that glitters is gold.
5. It takes a village
Raising teenagers is hard.
But being a teenager is harder!
This is because at some point they were cute little humans that loved you and respected you. They listened to everything you said and were extremely obedient. But as they become teenagers and try to navigate the world, they start to show the behavior you may not have foreseen coming.
That’s why it’s important to know that you cannot raise your kids on your own. You need support from family members and friends that you trust.
This means if you tried talking to your teenager with no luck, seek external help.
Although your troubled teen may not listen to you, they may listen to their uncle, aunty, grandma, grandfather, pastor, or teacher. Look at the people around you who are good role models to your kids who your kids love and respect.
When you find those people ask them for help.
You are not telling on your kids or airing your dirty laundry to the whole family, but you are finding the best route to help the kids you love. You might think it’s offensive that your teenagers listen to someone other than you, but it’s at this point that you need to realize that it’s all about getting the children back on the right path.
Instead of installing motion sensor lights or a ring alarm system to check the kid’s behavior, rather get their mentor to have a conversation with them. They will open up more and listen. Installing gadgets to monitor kids will just make the kids smarter as they invent ways to bypass the systems you have put in place.
It could be that there are underlying mental health issues that your child is dealing with that materialize through sneaking out and can be interpreted as a troubled teen. But after talking to the role model the kids will open up.
If there is no role model that your kids will listen to then introduce the concept of a family therapist. Get professional help for your teenagers and both of you can attend.
Sometimes teenagers will not want to do this, but you can ask them to try it once. Do not force it on them, it will not help. Other teenagers may want to have individual sessions without the parent, that’s an even better way to handle it.
Remember that you need to try everything you can when dealing with how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
If you are dealing with stepchildren you might be hesitant to discipline them because you feel that they are not your kids. But this should not be the case. All children who have habits of sneaking out should be treated equally.
6. At the end of the day, you are the parent, be the parent.
As much as we are talking about a sensitive issue, I still need to remind you that you are the parent in this situation. This means that you have the final say and you should do everything you need to, to protect them.
If your teen children are determined to continue doing the wrong things, then you have to be willing to go to the extreme to protect your kids from sneaking out at night and taking part in dangerous activities.
This means you have to put in safety precautions such as hiding the car keys so that they do not steal the car and go out. It means locking the house or their bedroom door and windows such that they cannot sneak out (if they are serious about sneaking out, they will have to dig a hole and sneak out)
Prioritize parental supervision.
Watch your kids like a hawk and monitor them without them feeling like they live in a prison. These are extreme measures if your kids are likely to damage their lives forever.
The worst thing you can do as a parent is to passively raise your kids.
Remember if you don’t actively raise your kids, social media will do it for you. And what will start as harmless fun of sneaking out will end us in tears or even be fatal.
There are many tv shows that you don’t want your kids watching because they encourage behavior you don’t want your kids to imitate. These could be shows that encourage the partying lifestyle, drug abuse, laziness, swearing, disrespect, general substance abuse, and any other thing you consider unruly behavior.
Monitor your kid’s internet use and make sure that they are not being exposed to every lifestyle they might want to copy.
These are the practical steps that you need to be prepared to take on this journey on how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
7. Lay out the consequences through open communication
Remind your teenage kids that sneaking out at night can have a lot of consequences. Do not threaten them but be open and clear. The important thing is that they understand that even if they are children having fun if they make bad decisions there will be ramifications.
Some of the natural consequences of sneaking out include getting into trouble with law enforcement. If they sneak out and get involved in illegal activity then they will be arrested and can potentially have a permanent criminal record that will affect their ability to get a job, go to certain places and see certain places.
This is an important thing to do when you trying to understand how to handle teenagers sneaking out.
Remind your kids that it’s not as cool as it appears or seems
8. Inspire your teenagers to make good decisions
Be a good example to your teenagers. Just as babies and kids are like sponges that absorb everything, so are teenagers.
If you want your teenagers to respect curfew, then you have to respect it. It’s a bad idea to lock your kids in the house while you go out partying and come back home drunk.
It’s difficult to prevent teenagers to follow rules if you are not following them. The important part of raising kids is to be a good example. Teach teens how to treat other people by treating other people well.
If you say one thing and do the other, you will definitely have a hard time dealing with teenagers sneaking out.
Inspire your kids to embrace emotional maturity in their teenage years through open communication. Be open to rewarding good behavior with ice cream and a movie. Just don’t use these as a bribe but more as an inspiration and a thank you.
Remind the teenagers that every rule you put in place is for their benefit. It might not seem like that today, but it is in their best interest.
Reassure them that you love them and will always love them.
If they continue to misbehave it’s your responsibility to continue to love and care for them.
What I do know is that the season of sneaking out will not last forever. It will pass. So, strength to you.
9. Be gentle on yourself and let go of control
This is a bonus tip on how to handle teenagers sneaking out. Don’t feel like you are a failure because your kids do not listen to you, and you are bad at parenting.
You are dealing with a child that has thoughts, feelings, and emotions. So, no matter how hard you try, things may not work out the way you want them to.
If you are a parent who is a control freak, let go of the need to control your kids. Use your good judgment to distinguish between parenting and controlling. The more you try and control your kids the more they will rebel. That’s why we spoke about inspiring kids and being a good example instead of controlling.
As much as you don’t want to be controlled your kids don’t like it too.
After you have done everything, we have discussed in this list regarding how to handle teenagers sneakers out you need to be at peace knowing that you have done your best.
Last words
Teens today behave very differently than when you were a teenager. However, that does not mean that you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior such as sneaking out.
Although a lot of teens are doing it you can have an open relationship and communication with your teens so that they don’t have to do everything their peers are doing. Bad choices will result in possible negative consequences that you and your kids don’t want.
Be a parent that loves and protects their kids at all costs. Do this with love and mutual respect.
If you do this right, your kids will be able to have a great social life and still not sneak out.
You are an amazing parent, and you are raising amazing kids who will be game changers tomorrow. Continue to be the best parent that you are.
Lastly, forgive your kids for their behavior during this period.
Share your experience in the comments about raising teenagers, and we can all learn from each other. What has been the most challenging thing you have experienced as a parent so far? Let us know in the comments section.
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