Honestly, you are doing your best as a parent. Take a moment to breathe in and out. Believe me when I tell you that you have given this parenting thing the best you have got.
But parenting is hard.
Not just for you but for everyone. There is no perfect mom out there. No matter how hard they try to convince you otherwise.
At best you may feel that you are having a good day today and that you are a great mom and then the next day you wake up and everything is falling apart.
All this is perfectly normal, it does not make you a bad mom.
You may have a bad mood today and the next day you are a ray of sunshine to those around you, it happens.
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
As a starting point, I want to address those who feel something is wrong with the way they feel. The journey on how to deal with hating being a parent is long but before it even starts you need to understand your feelings.
Is it normal to not like being a parent?
Yes, it is absolutely normal. Being a parent is a huge life adjustment. It is a life-altering event, and your life will never be the same again.
For a long time, you have lived a life without being responsible for children, but now all that has changed. For many having a child turns their life upside down and it takes a while to adjust and cope.
As a parent, whether a single mom or with a partner, you may lose your sense of self after having children and this may cause you to not like being a parent.
But do not bow to mom guilt. You are doing the best you can, and everything will be okay.
Even if your first child was a flawless miracle and you enjoyed every minute of it, your second and third children might bring different kinds of feelings to you. You may have an intense feeling that you hate being a parent.
You may feel that you have failed your little girl, little boy, or even your whole family.
It is normal. Refuse to dwell on such feelings as they will cause further toxicity and depression. They will bring hopelessness and a feeling of worthlessness that will overwhelm you.
Before we talk about how to deal with hating being a parent, let’s give you some top tips on how to enjoy motherhood, not just on Mother’s Day but every day.
How can I enjoy being a mom again?
The situation is not hopeless, you can find ways to love your children ad family once again. You can smile and be a better person at home.
Although parental burnout is real, it does not have to consume you. Here are a few best tips to enjoy being a mom again.
Create time to do YOU every night.
This may be hard because sometimes you are exhausted from the lack of sleep and all you want is to sleep at night. It may also be difficult because everyone wants a piece of you, and you do not have any more of it to give.
However, try to do one small activity that makes you smile at the end of the day. Read a book, meditate, watch a short movie, do some artwork, cook, or even make a cup of tea that you enjoy.
Whatever it is that you enjoy, do it.
Take care of yourself. You are the most important thing, and that is why taking time for yourself is the best thing in this situation.
If you are a morning person, try a small morning routine that will include doing an activity that calms you down and centers you.
Plan fun activities for your kids.
Try to not stay cooped up in the house, even if your baby is still young. Find the time to plan activities outside of the four walls of your house.
A lot of times you will feel overwhelmed because the walls feel like they are closing in on you.
Getting outside helps you breathe in fresh air. Every human being needs to interact with other human beings and needs to go outside. Social interaction is a large part of being a happy parent.
If you are dealing with young children, then plan fun ideas for children to do at the park, museum, Art Gallery, Fun Fair, or even the Mall.
Be creative, you do not have to spend an arm and a leg outdoors. There are many fun, cheap, or even free activities and places to visit with kids.
Learn to use less money when going out.
Going outside and spending time outside for a couple of hours will do you so much good. You will realize that you are becoming a calm parent and a good friend to those around you.
Break the negative cycles with some fresh air and social interaction.
Share responsibility with your partner.
Sometimes we don’t enjoy being a mom because we are doing everything ourselves and at once. Ask your partner to help you. Be specific about the kind of help you want.
You do not have to do all the hard work yourself. You are a team, work like one. If you are having a hard time balancing everything, speak out. Do not keep things inside for a long time, it will consume you and make you miserable.
You are not a bad parent just because you need support from friends and family members.
How do I start loving myself as a mom?
Love and take care of your body.
Whether it is the first time you are being a mom or not, it’s important to take care of your body. Pregnancy is a huge thing, and the body transforms completely while pregnant so it’s up to you to take care of it during this vulnerable stage.
If you are too tired or lack the motivation to shower, we have helpful tips for you here. Take time to sit in a nice warm bath with nice salts to relax your body.
I know you are thinking this is impossible because you are busy 30 hours out of the 24 hours a day. But try to do this occasionally and your body will thank you.
Some people enjoy good food and a nice massage as a way to take care of the body. Honestly, there are different ways to love and care for your body.
Find one that works.
You do not have to do this on a daily basis, but it is a good idea to try this as often as you can. Even though you may have less freedom, you can do your best to enjoy it.
Dress up.
Never underestimate the power of dressing up. It is true what they say, when you look good you feel good. Parenting is one of the hardest things anyone can do that’s why we must emphasize the power of doing simple things.
Your new life as a mom does not mean that you have to dress carelessly. Wear those heels and put on your favorite fragrance, smell good.
Living the good life as a mother starts with realizing that you are still allowed to dress up and go to themed parties. Or even dress up to go to the grocery store.
The point is to take care of yourself as best as possible under the circumstances.
I must say that it is not always realistic to do this. You might not even have the energy to do it, but you have to try.
Do it for yourself and do it for your kids too.
Go on Solo Dates
This one might sound scary to many people but if you have ever been single before you will know that there is something called solo dates.
This is alone time dedicated to you.
It is not just an hour or two it is longer than that and it is a time when you get to date yourself again.
You get time to reflect, journal and think about every aspect of your life. Solo dates are the only way to silence all the noise and emotions and just focus on yourself and being happy.
We have a full guide on the best solo dates to do.
After trying this once you will understand why it’s important. Your kids are not the only people who deserve to go out and have fun, you deserve it too.
Solo dates help you love yourself as a mom.
They help you introspect and be self-aware.
They make you realize your worth as a mom and as an individual. You get to fall in love with yourself all over again during these dates because you are an amazing person.
Solo dates give you the quiet time you need to process your thoughts. It is quality time with yourself that you need and deserve.
You will realize how just an extra hour of doing what you love makes you feel better about yourself and your life.
Now that we have ironed out a few issues let’s get into the heart of the article and talk about how to deal with hating being a parent.
How to deal with hating being a parent
1. Pray – tell God about it.
Yes, God cares about you and your well-being. He is interested in your mental health and your happiness.
So, if you are feeling stressed, depressed, and hate your kids go on your knees and talk to God about it. The fact that you hate being a parent does not make you a bad mother and God does not hate you for it.
Be vulnerable with God in this situation.
You may think that God is interested in the big things in your life, but God is interested in the small things as well.
Talk to God about your emotional and physical exhaustion. Talk to him about sleep deprivation and the difficulties you are experiencing in this new life.
God blessed you with the children and he has given you the responsibility to raise them, so if you need to vent, talk to God he is listening.
If you are frustrated and need emotional support, bow at his thrown and tell him you need him to get you through these tough times and he will.
This step on how to deal with hating being a parent is very critical. In fact, if you struggle to do everything else, do only this.
2. Ditch the comparison.
You are not other people, and they are not you.
Do not for a minute think the mommy sitting next to you has a handle on things and she knows what she is doing because she does not.
It is so easy to access social media today and see how other parents are smiling and playing with their kids. It seems that everything is rosy.
You look at all your social media posts and think that you are the only one whose mental health is taking a toll on you because you have children.
Do not be deceived, things are not always what they seem.
Some family members may even loudly compare you with other family members but do not fall for it. You may be the only one who is suffering from postpartum depression in your family but that does not make you a bad person.
You are unique and any negative emotions or negative feelings you have towards your kids are normal. Refuse to be judged, shamed, and embarrassed because of the rough period that you are going through.
3. You are not a failure.
Just because you currently do not like being a parent does not mean you have failed at being a parent. You are doing your best to be a great parent. You are only facing challenges, nothing more.
Do not think your friends are doing better because they look like good parents.
Never allow a temporary situation to describe your character and your future. You are not your situation and who you are is not determined by how you feel today.
Challenges are opportunities for us to be better people.
Challenges are fertile ground to build resilience and strength in character. They allow us to dig deep within ourselves and find the courage to face life.
So, embrace this challenge. I know you love your children, and you would do anything for them. Yes, currently you wish things were different, but they are not.
You have not failed at parenting.
You have a chance to be a great parent to your children. I know you can do it
4. Take it one hour at a time (even one second at a time)
Life on its own is hard.
Now imagine being responsible for someone else’s life too. It’s a lot.
That’s why you need to learn to take things slowly. Take it one day at a time. If the day is too long, take it one hour at a time.
Do just one thing at a time. You can never do everything at once. If anything, you cannot be everything to everyone. Please read that again and meditate on it. It will save you so much mental stress and worry.
Whatever you get done in a day as a parent is enough. You have done something. Pat yourself on the back and move one.
Wake up tomorrow morning and try again. Give it your best. Do not listen to those who say your best is not good enough.
Focus on just putting one leg in front of the other every day.
5. Spend time with friends or peers.
Being a parent can leave you feeling like all you know is babies. You may crave hanging out with adults for a change and having adult conversations with a best friend.
You may miss the old life of having brunch with friends or perhaps a night out with the ladies.
Do it.
Arrange with someone to watch the kids and take time out to hang around your peers or family members.
Do not spend the whole night or lunch talking about your babies or your kids. Use that time to discuss the things you love. This can be fashion, food, work, art, travel, or anything that makes your heart pump out.
The point is to get out of your bubble and refocus. If your friends have boyfriends talk about that. If you are into business, discuss new exciting innovative business ideas.
You have enough time to talk about babies every other day but not a night out with the girls and definitely not over brunch with a potential business partner.
If you spent half the year raising kids and recovering from giving birth now is the time to rediscover you.
Rediscover your hopes, dreams, and aspirations. What do you want to do with your life and why? Find purpose outside of being a mom or a parent.
Remember you are still YOU before you are a mother or a parent.
Knowing this on this journey of how to deal with hating being a parent with help you find purpose in life and passion to raise your kids lovingly.
6. Talk to a professional
In situations like this, you may feel helpless and overwhelmed but you are not alone. Seek professional help. This is the only way to get the guidance and help you need from a third objective party.
You have buried your head in the sand for too long and you think there is no other way.
But seek support and help from trained professionals. These people are trained to give you the emotional support that you need. Yes, there are supportive families out there, but you need an objective person to point out things even you cannot see yet.
It helps if your entire family is willing to do this therapy session with you, but if not be willing to do it alone for your own sake.
The first years of parenting may be the hardest but get the professional help you need to get through it.
7. Join a support group.
After speaking to a professional do yourself a favor and join a support group. Find people who are going through the things that you are going through.
Spend quality time regularly with such people so that you can understand that your situation may not be as unique as you think.
If you are a stay-at-home mom, then schedule a time to go to these sessions on a regular basis. The people you meet there will become your support system.
Going to such events also helps you have social time and meet a lot of women and parents who understand exactly how you feel.
8. Accept your reality.
As a new mom, it may be difficult to understand and accept that now you have a whole human being that is fully dependent on you. If you had an unplanned child, this feeling may grow even further and overwhelm you.
This does not make you a bad person.
The child in your life is not going anywhere and the sooner you accept that the better. Use kind words towards yourself. Refrain from saying mean things to yourself and your children or family.
Once you accept reality, you begin to find solutions, understand and plan to build a better healthy relationship with your child.
Life does not always go the way you have planned but life does not stop either, it keeps going. So, take time to process where you are, and how you got there, and then take a conscious decision to move on and plan your life going forward.
I am sure one or two of these tips on how to deal with hating being a parent are helpful. Now here are my final thoughts.
Final thoughts
While you cannot control everything there is a portion of life that you can control and that part is you, your emotions, and your feelings.
You are not completely powerless in your situation. If anything, the only person who can change anything about this situation is you.
Take charge of your life. You are responsible for your happiness and success. No one is coming to save you but yourself. Seek strength and guidance from God and he will hold your hand through it all.
The constant moaning and complaining to whoever is willing to listen does not help. Be more proactive on this journey of how to deal with hating being a parent.
Remember that prayer is the first step to handling this situation. All else comes second.
Share your story and help someone else. If you have more advice on how to deal with hating being a parent, leave it in the comments section.
Your story might save someone, share it.
