Lust is a wicked silent monster that has destroyed lives, friendships, marriages, careers, and reputations, don’t let it do the same to you. It could be that your mind cannot understand how lust can be so destructive, but it can.
Like a blazing fire, it will consume you and everything precious around you. It’s not worth it and that’s why you have to do everything you can to stop it.
Will it be easy? No
But it’s definitely worth doing. If anything, do it for your peace of mind and happiness.
Do not live your life under the shackles of lust.
Do not be fooled, even people who have a sexual relationship can suffer from lust. So, this piece is not just for single people or those who are dating a potential partner but also for those who are married.
How to stop lusting after someone
1. Remove anything that triggers the lust
Most of us are tempted into lust because we put ourselves in situations that make us vulnerable to lust. As with anything that you could struggle with, out of sight out of mind works like a charm.
Fighting a lustful sexual desire requires intentionality.
Identify which areas and situations make you lustful. It could be clubs, parties, or even concerts. The most common area of sexual temptation is through what we see with our eyes. Therefore, you need to be mindful of the content you consume such as reality TV shows and movies.
This is because these things could inspire sexual fantasies that you didn’t think were possible and in turn make you lustful.
The same goes for the music and podcasts we listen to. This could trigger sexual lust because you listen to information that your brain will process and ultimately relate to.
Remember that what you feed your brain and mind through your eyes and ears is what you will become. So, protect your mind and your space so that you do not give lust a chance to consume you.
Stop going to places that trigger lust and stop watching and listening to content that triggers lust. The same applies to people, but we will explore this later in the article.
This is the first and most important step when we talk about how to stop lusting after someone.
2. Replace lustful thoughts
The mind is a powerful tool.
This power can both be positive and negative, so you have to be aware of what you are thinking about. Lust is a strong desire for sexual activity, and this is natured by thoughts that you have.
Therefore, you need to do your best to get rid of sexual thoughts and lustful feelings.
As Philippians 4:8 says, “In conclusion, my brothers and sisters, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable”.
So, whenever you have lustful thoughts make a conscious decision to filter your thoughts through that scripture. Replace the lustful thoughts with different thoughts.
Indeed, it will take hard work to always have a beautiful mind that is clean too, but you can do it.
One way is to not feed lustful thoughts.
Choose to read books about things that you enjoy and love. Choose to pursue your hobbies and your heart’s desires or learn a new skill or practice an old one.
The point is that whenever you feel sexual needs and thoughts creeping in, you have to provide a distraction for yourself.
Stop focusing on sexual intimacy, but rather on the millions of other things in life. There is more to life than sexual fulfillment.
The root of the problem and the solution is in your thoughts.
3. Focus on having an emotional connection
If you are in a relationship and struggle with lust for your partner or other people, you need to rather focus on building meaningful emotional connections. The word lust mostly refers to the desire for sexual gratification because the physical appearance of a person has fascinated you.
But if you want to build emotional connections you have to look past the physical appearance and the physical attraction. Because you are a human being that has eyes and can have feelings you have to train your mind to think and process things in a certain way.
Learn to see people for their character and their personalities.
Build a relationship on a concrete foundation
No, a concrete foundation is not physical intimacy.
Instead of having a strong desire to be intimate rather have a strong desire to build a concrete foundation. Focus on building trust, loyalty, and respect. If you focus on these, then you are on a great path to building a long-term relationship.
Remember that you are in this relationship for the long run.
The healthy way to build a relationship is to look past what the naked eye can see. Build a relationship as you would with a best friend.
4. Get a support structure
It is difficult and almost embarrassing to acknowledge that you struggle with lust. Most of us can barely acknowledge this struggle to ourselves let alone tell someone about it.
But as the saying goes, a problem half shared is a problem half solved.
Get over yourself and talk to someone about it.
It could also help to talk to a stranger. Once you are comfortable enough you can definitely look into joining a support group. Problems seem heavy and difficult to cope with until you realize you are not alone.
There are a million other people who share struggles with you and who have overcome lust and are willing to help you overcome it too.
For many people sexual sin is embarrassing and they keep it to themselves, but it’s in talking that the burden becomes lighter.
You could talk to relationship experts or sex therapists to help you navigate the strong lustful desire and lustful look that you are battling with.
When you embark on this journey to stop lust you need emotional support, and you will get it from those close to you and experts.
The path on how to stop lusting after someone is not for the fainthearted, in fact, you will fail a couple of times, but you must never forget to always get up again.
5. Push yourself to set boundaries
Although having a support structure is great, the next is to put in the necessary controls to make sure that you stop lusting.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
And because you are here reading this, I know you have a deep desire to get rid of the wrong desire of lust. Set boundaries around yourself and set up effective ways to ensure that you always look for true feelings in every committed relationship that you want to pursue and not lust.
Remember that lust is temporary and even if you fulfill it today and it will not be happy. A lot of great men and women have fallen prey to lust because they thought that fulfilling the desire would make them whole, but it never did.
Don’t deceive yourself.
Setting boundaries is all about self-control. Your sexual feelings and emotions are within your control and only you can channel them in the right direction.
6. Limit your time on social media
I am sure you saw this one coming.
But yes, social media can be a bad influence on you. And it’s only when you realize the effect it is having on you that you can deal with it.
This is because sometimes we lust over people that we see on social media. These could be people that are close to us or just people that we really fancy like celebrities.
Instead of spending time-consuming social media content that you should not be consuming rather choose to do something more productive like going for a walk, running, or perhaps reading a book.
But remember to stay away from spaces that make you lustful and make you seek physical pleasures. If the gym is your source of lust rather opt to go jogging in the street.
Know yourself and know your body and how your brain thinks.
Although social media content can be false and pretentious sometimes it is real. That’s why it’s important that you are careful about where you spend time.
Through social media, the world today makes it very easy to experience lust, and that’s why it’s important that you are selective of where you spend your time.
So, the next time you want to scroll on social media think about other things that you could be doing that would be worth your time and growth.
Therefore, learning how to stop lusting after someone is all about self-discipline.
7. Choose your friends wisely
Our friends play a crucial part in our character and ultimately behavior. As the saying goes, show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
Whether we like it or not, we become like the people that we surround ourselves with. You may think that your friends are different people from you, but you are mistaken.
Bad company does indeed corrupt good manners, so don’t fool yourself into thinking you can change your behavior by hanging around people who influence lust.
Birds of a feather do indeed flock together.
If your friends consistently have lustful conversations that is a red flag and you are likely going to take part in such conversations. When they share pictures and videos that trigger lustful thoughts and feelings you will be exposed to this kind of thing and ultimately you also become lustful.
Therefore, choosing your friends wisely is a good thing to do while you are on this journey of how to stop lusting after someone.
The key difference between love and lust
When we talk about love, I only have one way to define it which is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, it reads: “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail”
So, if you say you love someone, and your love does not look like the passage in Corinthians then you can be sure it is not love.
The definition of lust is a strong desire to have sexual relations with someone. Lust is all about what the eye sees and what you desire to take hold of to satisfy your immediate needs. Lust is strong and temporary.
As you try and learn the basics of how to stop lusting after someone, you must also keep in mind the key differences between love and lust.
Final thoughts
I have no doubt that you can defeat your own lust and focus on real life and building an emotional relationship with the person you really want to. And if you build relationships outside of lust you have a strong foundation.
Replace sexual immorality with quality time and you will realize that there is a better way to relate with people.
Even if you have no intention of being in a serious relationship you can still be a whole person free of sexual immorality by trying these steps on how to stop lusting after someone.
What other ways have you found useful in dealing with lust? Share your ideas with us in the comments section. We love hearing from you.
