Life is hard, it has always been. Now imagine losing a soulmate that made life bearable and happy. Your one reason to wake up each morning is gone, and you do not know what to do or touch anymore.
For the first time in a long time, you feel numb and the little glimmer of hope to live happily ever after is gone. I am not going to tell you to snap out of it because that is not the way to deal with loss.
Although each person grieves and deals with loss differently there are a few pointers to consider.
But before we talk about how to get over losing your soulmate let’s unpack some truths about losing a soulmate and grief
The truth about grief and losing a soulmate
Grief is unique to you.
You may have lost your soulmate and your children may have lost their parent but the pain and grief you and your children will feel is not the same.
If your best friend lost a soulmate and you also lost a soulmate, the pain is not the same.
This is one key that will help you understand that you have to deal with losing a soulmate in your own way. Don’t compare your loss to that of someone else, it’s not the same and it will never be.
This is because your true feelings for your soulmate are unique to you.
No one is spared the pain of losing a soulmate
Unfortunately, loss and grief are the cycles of life, they are inevitable.
You cannot escape it, no one can.
Although I would like to tell you to brace yourself for loss and more loss, you can never be prepared for losing a soulmate. The void they leave in your heart and your life cannot be measured.
Some people unfortunately will lose a soulmate more than once.
Such is life.
Don’t be permanently stuck in grief
Grief is not a destination, don’t camp there.
Loss is a strange but strong emotion. It has the power to hold you hostage, for years on end. Most people feel stuck in loss and grief with no way out. Some want to get out, but they battle feelings of guilt.
Whether you lost your soul mate or just a good friend, pain can almost make you speechless. You may not want to eat, see people, or even get out of the house. Your world feels empty like the only thing that matters to you was mercilessly taken. And yes, it was.
But at some point, we have to find a way to move past that.
How to get over losing your soulmate
You might have just attended the funeral service of your loved one this past weekend, or maybe it’s been months or even years since you lost your loved one, but it doesn’t seem to get easier.
You are wondering what are the next steps that will help you get past it. You missed the days when you had a good sense of humor, and you were happier, but today life seems to have come to a screeching halt because of this loss.
Well, let’s take a moment and talk about the practical steps that you can take to get over losing your soulmate. Although you might be open to trying some of these but not all, do what is best for you.
You can even improve on some of these and tweak them to suit your needs.
1. We must go through the pain, not around it.
Sadly, the only way to get over losing a soulmate is to go through the pain. There is no magic pill to miraculously wipe away the pain. As much as I would like to say the healing process is a linear curve it is not.
Some days are better than others.
You could feel like you have healed for a while and one day out of the blue, the pain hits you in your gut and you come crashing down.
Pain is like that; it is never completely gone, and we never fully heal.
We learn to live with it, and you can too.
Although avoiding the pain with distraction might make it go away temporarily it’s not the solution. You must healthily process your pain.
2. Acknowledging your feelings
Losing a loved one results in us going through a difficult time in our lives. We feel a physical pain that we cannot explain, and it doesn’t go away.
That is why for others it’s easier to ignore the feelings and pretend they do not exist. Talk to a therapist or any family members you trust about your feelings.
There is no right time or wrong time to talk about your feelings and it is never too soon or too late.
Just as long as you are ready.
If you are not okay and are missing the soulmate connection, you have to acknowledge it.
You don’t owe anyone a smile or a laugh. Feel what you must feel.
Some days you may be raging with anger and some days it may be guilt. Some days it may be unbearable loneliness as you grieve the soulmate relationship you had.
We are human beings with hormones and feelings, so our way of processing loss is strange and unique, but we have to embrace it.
3. Check in with yourself on a daily basis.
When you are going through loss, you are sensitive and in a volatile state. It is therefore important that you consistently check in with yourself. Be self-aware of your emotions.
Are there any triggers that make you miss your soulmate even more?
Are there any memories that keep coming back?
Have you been angry all day but not sure why?
Become your own guardian. The only person who can take care of yourself is you. You might not have the strength to take care of yourself, but you have to.
You don’t want to rely on your best friend or family members who might also be going through a lot for them to support you. Learn to process your thought and feeling alone.
4. The end of a chapter is not the end of your story
Yes, you have lost your true love. You shared many amazing, good times together and the more you think about it, the more it hurts. There is no harm in wishing that you could turn back the hands of time.
It’s just pointless and it does not help you to keep replaying what was.
Losing a loved one makes you feel like your whole world is over too. Note that I said “feel like” because your world is not really over.
What is over is your chapter with your soulmate, but life still has to continue. I know you don’t want to hear it, but someone has to say it.
5. The healing power of time
I know that you are thinking that you have heard this so many times before, but it is true. When I lost the love of my life, I had a hard time accepting it. I thought there will never come a day when I accept and master the strength to move on.
The unconditional love I had for him was unmatched. For the first time in my life, I thought that time would never heal the deepest wound I felt.
For a long time, I went to bed in tears and woke up in tears every single day.
It was bad
But as I write this, it’s been a few months since I lost him, and it still hurts. But at least I don’t cry every day.
I know I have not fully recovered but it does get better with time.
The same is with you. You will not completely forget the pain, but you will be able to smile and laugh once more. The sun will shine on you again soon.
Do not despair.
6. Refocus and find ways to fill the void
The loss of a soulmate can consume your whole life to the point where other areas of your life mean nothing to you.
This means you don’t like going to work anymore and social gatherings don’t excite you anymore.
And I get it, these areas have a way of reminding you about your loss.
You see happy couples everywhere and people enjoying life and you feel left out. You end up wishing your soulmate was here so you can share memories with them.
However, this is not what you should be focusing on. Put all your energy and focus on other things like your work, side hustle, hobbies, and your young children, especially as a single parent.
Find ways to accelerate your personal growth like doing courses online or learning a new skill like baking.
The point is that in the long run as the time passes you need to find things to do that will replace the time you used to spend with your soulmate.
Having other activities that take you outside of your house where you breathe fresh air could be the thing you need to keep you from reaching breaking point.
Refocusing will be one of the hardest things you will have to do, it will not come easy, but you have to do it.
Just remember nature does not allow for voids, it always finds ways to fill them. So, the space that has been left by a soulmate will be filled by something, and you get to choose how to fill it.
7. Journal your thoughts, feeling, and emotions away
One of the most effective ways to deal with losing a soulmate is journaling. Write down your thoughts and feelings every day.
When you write things down, they become much clearer for you and others.
The second-best reason for journaling is that grief, and loss teaches people different life lessons. During this time, take the time to share your thoughts and ideas and what life has since taught you.
You could have learned that life is short and that you need to cherish or value your loved ones while you still can.
It could also be that you learned the do’s and don’ts of organizing a funeral and how to deal with family drama and loss. Whatever you have learned, write it down and share it with others when the time is right.
Journaling is a good way, especially for introverts who don’t want to talk to a therapist or someone close.
Journal about the healing progress you are going through. Write about your bad days when it hurts even more and the good days when you smile and laugh.
Write it all.
8. Find closure without answers
Losing a loved one leaves us with deep unanswered questions that no one has answers to. Whether the loved one passed on due to natural causes or you went your separate ways the pain is still real.
Instead of looking for answers and asking deep questions why not consider moving on?
It’s okay that you want answers, but you cannot be stuck for the rest of your life trying to understand things.
Yes, there was much love between the two of you, but that chapter is over now.
You don’t have to move on today or tomorrow, but the best way to deal with these questions is to replace them with happy memories or to focus on the future.
One thing I learned when I lost my soulmate is that some things that happen in life will never make sense. Some puzzle pieces will never fit in and it’s okay.
9. Be intentional about moving on
At some point, you have to decide that enough time has passed, and you need to get past that grief.
This does not mean you never loved your partner, or you are betraying their love. No, not at all.
But for your sake, you have to choose to move past this stage in your life. The loss of a soulmate does not have to be your entire life story.
Wake up and choose positive thoughts. Choose to love and choose to seek happiness on your own. Choose self-love and take care of yourself, try out some of these nice ideas on your own.
10. Do not compare your life to others
You might be wondering why comparison has anything to do with grief. Some people tend to compare their lives with that of others when they are dealing with grief.
Questions like why did I lose my soulmate while my friend and her soulmate are happy?
Why must I suffer the pain of grief and loss continuously while other people seem to go through life unscathed without grief?
These questions come from a place of hurt, pain, and grief, and don’t feel bad they are understandable questions.
But what you do not realize is that everyone’s life is different.
We are at different stages in life, and you are being unfair to yourself by comparing yourself with others.
Either way, it does not help anyone, so stop it.
Losing a soulmate has a way of making you feel like a failure, and this is the worst way to deal with grief. When I lost the love of my life, I was haunted by thoughts of what I could have done better and that I was the reason I lost him.
This rabbit hole was terrible don’t get into it. The past is the past, no one can change it.
11. Do not push people away
The people closest to you who really love and care about you will want to support you through these trying times.
You could be tempted to withdraw and not want to talk to anyone or socialize with anyone. This is okay, but if people want to support you allow them in.
They care about you and want what’s best for you.
If you don’t want to go out, rather suggest that they come to hang around by your house and just have coffee. Even if you don’t want to talk to anyone, you can sit quietly with your best friend and just enjoy the silence.
The point is don’t shut down such that people cannot reach out to you.
No man is an island.
Although you need to process grief your own way it won’t hurt to have someone come and clean around or bring you food because you don’t have the energy to do it yourself. It won’t hurt to have someone remind you to eat.
Most importantly during this time of loss, you need to be reminded that you feel alone but you are not alone.
12. Read about loss and grief (watch stories of people who have gone through grief)
I have mentioned that grief is unique to you and two people never experience the same grief but there is another side to this coin.
Read books about grief, loss, and your life purpose. These books have stories about how other people are going through loss. Don’t read these books to compare your grief to theirs but read them to get inspiration.
Read about how other people handle life challenges.
Someone once said our lives are not long enough for us to make our own mistakes, we sometimes have to learn from other people’s mistakes. The same is true about grief, you have to learn from others.
I have learned that when you lose someone you might feel like the world is crumbling around you and you cannot breathe. This is the exact reaction anyone should feel when they lose a soulmate.
If you lose a soulmate and wake up tomorrow and went about your business as if nothing happened, then I would be very worried about you.
When you read these books, you realize that even if losing a soulmate hurts, it is normal to feel everything you are feeling.
If you are not a reader, there are many videos on YouTube that you can watch where people share their stories, try watching some of those and be inspired.
Grief has a way of making you feel like life hates you but listening to other people’s stories, you actually realize that life is showing all of us flames.
You will be okay!
I mean it, you be okay.
You might not be okay today or tomorrow, but you will be okay.
It does not feel like that now because you are missing the phone calls and your heart is broken. You have never imagined life without your partner because you were inseparable companions who shared a special bond.
But now you must live the life you never imagined.
As much as it hurts right now, one day you will wake up and realize that you are okay.
You have to believe it!
Do not glorify pain and expect to mourn forever. Pick up the valuable lesson from the loss and slowly move on.
This is not to belittle your pain, however when your soulmate dies, and you have a broken heart you need to allow the healing process to continue so that you can be okay.
Yes, you have hit rock bottom, but the only other place you can go is up, so try to cheer up.
Challenges of moving on
1. Guilt
It takes love and courage to open up your heart and love again after losing a loved one. Getting back into the dating scene after this kind of loss takes great courage.
You might have lost your real soulmate and the thought of finding another life partner has not even crossed your mind because you feel attached to the partner that is gone.
I say this respectfully: you can still fall in love with someone else and build another life.
Guilt can be a blocker to experiencing your next relationship, but don’t let it stop you, True soulmates may come around more than once, and you don’t have to shut down and not explore them.
Just remember your new person is not the same as your previous soulmate, don’t compare.
The new partner may be a better person than the previous partner, but you will never know unless you try.
It is the only way to know.
Don’t feel guilty that you are betraying the memory of the soulmate you loved. You can still have memories and build a new life. The two can coexist. You don’t have to completely forget about the past before you move on.
2. Judgmental ex-laws when you move on
When you have lost the love of your life, but now you have managed to move on there will be challenges. Your previous in-laws will be judgmental if they realize that you are starting a new relationship.
For some reason or the other, after the death of a spouse, the spouse’s family expects you to be a widow forever and mourn their child forever.
Well, we are meant to love and be loved
If you do get another opportunity to love, do it. Kindly let them know your heart is open to loving someone again.
You are not asking for their permission.
Dare I say you do not even have to let them know. You only do it out of your kind heart. Ignore the judgments and insults hurled at you.
It may be that your family members and friends also judge you, but the important thing is that you are happy in your life.
One thing is for sure, everyone will have an opinion about everything you do but the only opinion and voice that matters is yours.
At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life.
3. Fear
It takes a lot of effort to decide to move on, but at the same time, fear might grip your heart. What if you never love again? What if you meet new people and don’t like them? Is it a good idea to start dating again? What about the kids? Will you find someone to fill your soulmate’s shoes?
You become afraid of loving again and opening up again because what if you lose the new life partner? Is life worth living without loving and having an open heart to living a fulfilled life?
If you make new changes to your life, how will others see it, and will they accept it?
Although there are many different things to consider while trying to move on, don’t be afraid to live.
Sometimes if you lose your soulmate through a car accident it is likely that you are scared of driving a car and live your daily life in paranoia.
There could be mental health issues that come with losing a soulmate, do consider seeing a professional to help you work through these things. It will be one of the hardest things to talk about losing your soulmate, but you must.
Fear should not hold you back.
But don’t be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do, do it at your own time and on your own schedule.
4. Holding onto what could have been
Whether you lost your partner through death or breakup, most of us hold onto what could have been. We have hope that our soulmate will come back.
This hope may be misplaced, and it causes us to sit in limbo waiting for a miracle. Don’t press pause on your life because you are holding onto a reality that will never materialize.
It’s only when you let go of something that you will realize that better days are ahead. Things will not change tomorrow but they will change.
If it is an ex that you want to get back with you, you can try to pursue that, but at some point, put a peg in the ground and decide to drop it and look ahead.
The scary thing about moving on is that you don’t know what tomorrow holds, but it’s also exciting because tomorrow might be better than today, so give it a chance.
Sit down with yourself and have a date with yourself. Ask yourself why you are still holding onto these thoughts about a perfect life that you could have had.
Have a nice ceremony to bury the dreams you had. It’s only after you have had a ceremony to bury your past that you can begin to dream about the future. It will be difficult to imagine living a happy life without your soulmate, but you can do it and it is possible.
Remove the barriers you have put in your mind that this person was all you will ever have in life.
It’s not true.
By the way, you have everything you need to get through the loss of a soulmate
When we hit a hard wall like losing a soulmate, we become weak.
But the opposite is actually true.
Grief makes you strong. The fact that you are grieving but are still able to wake up and brush your teeth speaks to the tremendous strength you have. After a while, you will be able to do daily activities, which is amazing!
When I lost my soulmate, my brother told me that life never gives us more than we can handle.
He told me that I am ready and equipped to get through this pain that’s why I lost my soulmate this year not 2 years earlier.
Life is not a series of coincidences that happen, it is a well-orchestrated series of events.
Although life brings us blows after blows, none of those blows are meant to end us or throw us over the bridge. They are all meant to show us how strong we are.
You are strong and you will get through it.
Something to think about
Most Hollywood movies do not show real-life stories of how healing works when you lose a soulmate.
The show grieving for a short while and then meeting someone new and experiencing real love again. But in reality, new love and healing do not follow each other in such a flawless sequential order.
Losing a loved one is a significant loss and there is no particular order to healing and getting over the loss.
One day very soon the sun will shine on you again. You will look back on this difficult period and appreciate it because of all the life lessons you have learned.
Because grief is part of this life journey just like birth, it’s important that you equip yourself with the necessary tools to make it.
I am dealing with grief just like you and I believe you and I can make it through to the other side. Our silver lining is closer than we think, and things will be better.
Share your story in the comments sections. Tell us what happened and how you are coping with it. Sharing with others is a way to heal yourself and to heal other people too.
I look forward to hearing from you. We have a supportive community that has got your back.
