It’s one thing to deal with physical pain but it’s a totally different thing to process emotional pain. This is because you can take pain medication to numb the physical pain, but emotional pain is difficult to numb.
Many have tried to numb emotional pain but it always comes back stronger, that’s why you need more effective ways on how to overcome emotional pain.
The good news is that the healing process is not impossible it is just difficult.
I can assure you that everyone including you will go through a painful experience in life that will leave you in emotional distress. The fact that you are here means that you have just gone through a traumatic event and now you are looking to find a way to process this difficult situation.
Just before we start, I want to reassure you that you will get through this. The painful emotions you are feeling right now feel permanent, but they are temporary. You will get your emotional health back on track.
The sun will shine on you once again, you have to believe it despite the situation you are in now.
This piece is about helping you believe and put in the relevant steps to get there. You would not be wrong to doubt that you will ever smile and sleep through the night once again, but that is why you need another person to believe in you, and that’s me.
Let’s get right into it and start discussing healthy ways on how to overcome emotional pain.
How to overcome emotional pain
1. Take time to understand, accept & process your emotional pain
The way to get over emotional pain is not to hide your head in the sand and hope it passes. You have to do the most difficult thing and acknowledge that you are not doing well emotionally.
You have to understand and process the negative feelings and negative emotions that you are feeling. No matter how tough it is to look at these difficult emotions head-on, you have to do it.
Go through a self-awareness exercise to understand all the negative thoughts that you are feeling.
Most people live in denial, and in the end the emotional pain that they bury deep down eventually explodes on the wrong people in the wrong place.
The best way on how to overcome emotional pain is to acknowledge it and understand it.
Understand what has caused you emotional pain and why. Process the events that lead to all the strong emotions that you feel, and everyone linked to them. A great way to process this is to write it down.
We will discuss this later in detail.
But for now, you have to go through the excruciating exercise of looking at yourself and the situation objectively.
Be honest and real with yourself.
What part did you play in the emotional pain that you are feeling?
How are these difficult feelings affecting every area of your life?
How has your life changed since the traumatic event that left you scared emotionally?
The answers to these questions will help you understand and process the reality of your feelings. Once you come face to face with yourself then only will you realize that you have the power to change it.
This exercise is going to be painful, and you will realize certain things about yourself. It may be that during this exercise you have to have a good cry to let it all out, then do it.
As they say, the best method to process unresolved emotional pain is to let it all out through tears. The problem will not disappear, but I can assure you that you will feel better, and you will think clearly.
Crying is a way to release the anguish and pain that the mouth cannot say out loud.
2. Understand that you have the power to overcome it.
Most people do not realize this point and as such, they do not understand that they have the power. A traumatic experience can leave you feeling powerless emotionally.
But for you to overcome your emotions you have to take control of your emotions and thoughts.
How?
The first step is to understand that you have the power, not someone outside or any external force, you. When we are in pain it’s easy to point a finger and shift the blame to someone. But take back control.
You have the power to choose positive thoughts instead of negative ones. Only you have the power to choose to feel calm. You can choose to stop thinking about things that make you sad, stressed, and emotional.
You can choose to view the world in a positive way despite the negative outlook you may have due to the traumatic experience. It is a normal reaction to feel overwhelmed and feel that someone out there needs to do something when in actual fact you are that someone that needs to do something.
Despite the emotional pain, I urge you to choose to have peace of mind. Choose the good over the bad in your daily life. This may be difficult to do but in the long run, you will thank yourself for choosing to be positive.
Being gloomy and sad is a choice. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it is true. Some people have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms where they give other people power to make them feel good. But life does not work like that.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying do not feel sadness, pain, and hurt. But I am saying after grieving and mourning you need to choose to be positive and live a happy life.
Take the power to control yourself and use it.
3. Do not obsess over the person/situation
When we have experienced something that causes us emotional pain, we tend to obsess over that pain. We somehow idolize that pain. The situation and the people who caused it or are involved in it consume us and it’s all we can think about every day.
This is normal behavior for human beings, but you have to choose to stop obsessing over a situation. Do not become so preoccupied with the injustice that caused the emotional pain that you cannot move on.
So, you could be thinking that you are not obsessed with what caused you the pain but maybe you need to take a long hard look at yourself.
If you keep talking about the situation that caused emotional pain to anyone who cares to listen, then you are obsessed. That’s why you need to stop talking about it and do your best to limit thinking about it.
At the present moment, it may seem impossible to forget about the emotional pain, but I can assure you that with time and effort, you will begin to learn how to process your strong emotions and how to cope with the feelings of anger.
Obsessing over a situation or a person will increase your emotional stress. It will increase the painful feelings and make the situation possibly worse than it actually is.
Remember this key thing: it’s not what others do or our mistakes, it’s our response to it that causes us pain.
4. Stop the pity party, no one is going to RSVP
When we are struggling to process and overcome emotional pain, we likely default to throwing ourselves a pity party.
We feel sorry for ourselves, and we begin to think that our lives are horrible, and we play the victim.
This does not help anyone.
Get up, pick yourself up, and open a new chapter in your life. Move on. You can throw the pity party for a long time but that just makes the healing process much longer than it should be.
This is difficult because the default is to wait for help that is not coming. But take initiative and be proactive and be responsible for yourself. Take these steps on how to overcome emotional steps to heal.
Having positive emotions will not happen automatically overnight. You have to work on it, and you have to strive for it. The painful feelings that are consuming you now will continue to consume you if you keep feeling sorry for yourself.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You are not a victim; you have the power to be better.
You can do this, and you will do this.
If you throw yourself a pity party, you get stuck in life and every area of your life. Do not allow that to happen. You have a whole happy life ahead of you. You can still enjoy it.
Remember that you are responsible for how you react to situations and circumstances. You are response-able, meaning you control your responses. Don’t give that power away.
When you know you are responsible you become effective and powerful.
Practice the ability to put the past behind you, learn from it, and move on.
5. Get into a routine
Getting into a functional effective routine is an important step in trying to overcome emotional pain. This is because feelings of emotional pain can make us numb to the point that we struggle to do even the basic daily things like showering.
That’s why you need to have a routine that you follow on a daily basis to ensure that your quality of life is still well maintained. Try this morning routine that we have and then customize it to make it your own.
Going through extreme emotional pain will affect your life badly and the way to get back to normal is to have a routine to help you with doing the little things.
Write down this routine and keep it where it is visible so that it can be part of your everyday life. Having a routine helps you to improve your emotional well-being.
If you have kids and a family get them onto that routine as well. This will ensure that while you are healing the mundane tasks continue without anyone feeling left out.
6. You cannot pour from an empty cup
This is one of the most important things that you have to do for yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Neglecting yourself almost happens involuntarily when you are emotionally unwell, that’s why we have to emphasize that you need to do everything you can do to take care of yourself.
You could be wondering how you should do that.
I say go on a solo date, practice self-love, and pray for yourself. Put yourself first during this whole emotional experience that you are going through.
Remember that it’s only when you take care of yourself that you will be able to take care of other people. There are various ways to take care of yourself, find what works for you and do that.
If you neglect yourself, your physical well-being will be at risk. Taking care of yourself is a way to love your body, relax and calm down.
This can even help you process the feelings of emotional pain much faster if you do it more consistently. I know that it will be difficult to do something nice for yourself and go on a solo date, but you need to be willing to experience this physical discomfort.
While your body will just want to shut down and close yourself indoors, I say get out and get some fresh air.
Your emotional pain will be better.
If you enjoy physical activity, go outside for regular walks or go for a run each morning. Whenever you strongly feel emotional get into physical activity to get your mind off things.
Doing physical exercise is a good way for you to sweat out the pain.
This is one of the healthier ways on how to overcome emotional pain.
7. Stop Overthinking
The most positive way to work on any situation is to work on yourself.
So this step is to help you work on your thoughts and feelings.
One of the things that make us feel overwhelmed with emotional pain is that we overthink the whole situation.
We engage in a game of what could have happened, why did it happen, when did it happen, and other scenarios of how things could have played out.
That’s why it’s important to stop overthinking. Stop playing over scenarios in your head. It will only make the situation worse. The broken heart tends to try and fix everything, but things don’t always happen the way we want them to.
A situation that causes you emotional pain may be in the past and that means you cannot do anything about it. Therefore, overthinking will not help you.
Even if the situation causing the pain is ongoing thinking about it all day will not help you deal with difficult feelings.
8. Forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself is hard but you have to do it. This is one of the helpful ways to deal with the emotional pain effects that you may be feeling.
Sometimes you could be struggling to heal and overcome emotional pain because you have not forgiven the person who caused the pain or that you caused the pain and are struggling to forgive yourself.
To err is human and that applies to everyone. Holding onto a grudge makes you sick in the run, but you can be free through forgiving.
Use this guide to help you practice forgiveness.
It will be difficult, but I know you can forgive, and you will forgive. It reduces the weight off your shoulders.
9. Read self-help books.
I know you are rolling your eyes but yes it works.
Going through emotional pain you need to force yourself to read with the intention to learn something new. Self-help books give you steps to follow that other people have tried that worked for them.
You can be sure that some of those steps will work for you too.
Not every book will be helpful but not all of them will be useless. So, if you do not like reading then start a new hobby of reading.
Reading not only helps you learn new things but also gives you quality time to spend with your thoughts and it gives you a different perspective. In the long term, you will begin to see things differently and to understand things differently and ultimately you will overcome your emotional pain.
Emotional pain consumes us because we do not see things differently but through reading self-help books you get to read about other people’s life experiences and learn from them.
Reading books help you to clear your clouded mind.
10. Talk to a therapist
Seek professional help. You are going through a serious situation, and you cannot do this on your own.
No one is an island and that includes you.
Book regular appointments with a mental health therapist so that they can help you process the challenges you are facing. Talking to a professional helps you understand your thoughts and to be able to process everything. These are people who are trained to help you so use them.
Trying to do this on your own is one of the unhealthy coping mechanisms and it rarely works. Do not be prideful and do not think you are okay until you have seen a therapist.
Talk to them about the potential psychological pain and emotional distress you may be feeling. Be open and vulnerable during these sessions, it is for your benefit.
For those who cannot physically go to see a therapist then I suggest you try online therapy. My point here is that you need to get professional help asap.
If you and your family are going through this emotional pain, then I suggest you see a family therapist. This person will help you to have effective coping strategies that you and your family can implement in the long term.
11. Surround yourself with a positive support structure
This is one of those steps that can either make or break the process of how to overcome emotional pain. Get people who love and care for you to be with you throughout the whole process.
These are people who want what’s best for you and who want to see you succeed so you need them you be your cheerleader.
These are people who will cook you a nice meal and who will make sure that you go to the therapy appointments. It can be a family member that you really like or just a best friend. Whoever is close to you whom you feel you can trust with your life you need them by your side during this difficult time.
If there is no one close, you then join a support group. Do not be ashamed to sit in a room with people who are also struggling with emotional pain. Talk to other people and you will realize that everyone is going through a tough time, and we will only make it if we lean on each other.
Joining a support group is a good way to share your thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged. Many people try to use social media as a way to vent and process emotional pain, but it does not work.
What works is having a strong support structure of people that you know and who care about you.
12. Keep track of your emotional well-being with a mindfulness journal
It is important to find a helpful tool like a mindfulness journal to help you process your thoughts and feelings every day.
We have a simple mindfulness journal that can help you here.
In this journal you get to write down how you feel every day and what happened. This helps you effectively process your emotional pain. It allows you to be present in your life and to be mindful of all activities that you did that day.
If you track how you feel every day for a month or week you can see how often you were happy and what made you happy. The journal helps you write down the things you are grateful for and to look for the positive in every situation.
Before you write in your mindfulness journal, I suggest you take some time to have guided meditation.
Meditation helps you filter out all the noise and helps you focus on yourself and your thoughts and your feelings. Meditation also helps you to calm down and to relax which will be very important on this journey of how to overcome emotional pain.
13. Try something new
Last but not least you have to try something new.
This can be a new hobby or even a new job. Just dare yourself to try something new. Even if you feel like you cannot do something I urge you to just try.
The most important thing is that you get out of your comfort zone.
Get fresh air and challenge yourself.
If there is something that you have always wanted to do, then go ahead and do it. This is a chance for you to finally explore all the things that you have always wondered if you could do. Getting out of your comfort zone helps you become a better person and it distracts you from thinking about what is stressing you.
Final thoughts
Going through emotional pain is a difficult experience and I believe you can overcome it. Use these steps on how to overcome emotional pain and you will have started your journey of success.
You have to heal, and you have to enjoy life.
Don’t get trapped in the past or present emotional pain, pick yourself up and move on.
If you have more wisdom on how to deal with emotional pain, please share it with us in the comments section. We love hearing from you and learning from each other.
